Wednesday, April 14, 2010

I haven't blogged in forever...

This morning I woke up at the ripe time of 6:42 to unalarm the Kresge doors. I know in reality that's not all that early but my body says "no, it is." If it's still dark out doesn't that mean it's still nighttime?

Really, I want to blog, but I have nothing to say. Ok maybe I do. But it's probably not something that readers are interested in. I could say that I'm sick of school, ready for summer, tired of dorm-life, in need of a job... but who really cares. That's the problem with blogging. This is not the Lauren John Show. There is no show in this life called Lauren John... and thank the Good Lord because if there was I'd be really self conscious and therefore unhappy. That's the other problem, I'm self conscious about my blogging. It was better when I had a secret blog. This is all just fluff.

But why, why do I care about what you all think so much? It's dumb but I do. I mean, we're all friends right?

This is the problem, when I write something you might call "deep" I feel like an overemotional crazy person, but when I write shallow things I feel unlike myself and just plain unfunny.

So the solution: I'm not going to write unless I write the truth and I'm not going to write the truth unless I'm perfectly ok with sharing it with all of cyberspace.

But I still have one problem. I want to be ok with sharing everything. Being "transparent" as our Postmodern American Church has dubbed it. Perhaps walking in the light is a better term. Everything visible. Frick, that's hard.

I don't think I'm alone in saying this but, I'm afraid that when people find out who I really am, they won't like it. So, now I feel like telling you all who I really am. Take it or leave it. This is step one in my "transparent blogging." [forgive me if you all already know these things about me]

I am [my heart has just quickened its pace],
1. A woman who really wants to get married sometime in the next 4 years.
2. A person who more than anything loves Jesus and talks to him out loud in my room. If you hear me talking to myself that's what I'm doing.
3. He talks back to me.
4. I am always afraid that if you find out how much I love Jesus that I will again be dubbed an "overemotional crazy person." [even though in my mind I really know that you all wouldn't be so harsh]
5. I'm afraid of any social situation in which I may seem, well, socially incompetent or inept.
6. I am angry at men (my peers mostly) for not being more.
7. I have shoved away too many of my gifts in the name of practicality.
8. I have the hardest time being on time.
9. I don't love to learn about anything that doesn't have to do directly with Jesus.
10. I really wish I were more ok with being uncool.
11. I wish the only thing that controlled me was Jesus Christ.
12. I hate it when people patronize me or criticize me in any way.
13. I really, really love John Eldredge and I think he's right about 97% of things, sue me.
14. I can't wait to have babies.
15. I'm afraid that after reading this blog people will say "that did turn into the Lauren John Show."
16. I am about to be late to my 9 o'clock because this blog got out of hand.


  1. I would watch the Lauren John Show. And I would Tivo it, too, so that I could watch it again. And I would rewind when the microwaved Peep splatted into your leg and replay that part over and over. I would upload it to YouTube, and you would become an internet star.

    I love you for all of these things listed, and I love you for sharing.

    Let's live together?

  2. I like you sharing... some of these things I knew but some of them I didn't realize. Thanks, Lauren John. You're awesome.