Homecoming

I had two best friends on homecoming court this year so I thought I'd put some pictures up of the event.
Jenelle in her beautiful zig-zag dress from Street Scene (a really cool vintage consignment store in Lexington). Just look at those legs!

And Kindra looking totally chic in her black dress. I just love these girls!

Now for the nostalgia. This, being my last semester of college, is very sad. Exciting, hopeful even, but sad. I will never have this time back and we will never all be together in this context again [at least until heaven]. So here's some more photos of the people I will never forget. Maybe it's too soon for a goodbye blog... this is just a preview. There will be a for real one later.

Procrastination

It'll getcha. I'm at Main & Maple with Kate right now NOT writing my Spanish paper. I mean I would, but I have no idea what it's supposed to be about. When a teacher says, "write me a paper on La vida es sueño. It can be about anything" I find myself at a loss. Too much independence. Too much choice. Which leads me to a perfect blog topic. How dandy!

Making choices. I think that if we were all honest we'd rather have God just spell everything out for us (as far as what to do next in decision making) than we would want to wait, not knowing what to do. Human beings like being in control. It's funny how oppositely God works. He's like, nope, let me be in control. And we're like, but holy cow you're an invisible being that is unpredictable and hard to understand. It's easier to say, "it's in God's hands." Than it is to say, "God is changing me and giving me wisdom about what to do." Now I'm not saying that it isn't in God's hands, because it is, but I am saying that sometimes it just seems hard to hear from God about decision-making.

In all my recent decisions I haven't really heard one way or another about what I'm supposed to do. I have basically decided not to come back to Asbury in the spring and to go to Spain in the summer to finish up. I think it's the right thing. I'm still planning on going to seminary in the fall and hopefully get a job with benefits. I have plans. But I really haven't heard exactly one way or another on them from Jesus. I know Jesus wants me to be a counselor, but as far as when to go to school, or where, I'm not certain.

So I'm left to think that He's teaching me to listen more closely to Him, to be more flexible, and/or to learn to make my own decisions wisely. I think He wants His children to be independent in the sense that we gain wisdom and insight into how to live life. Maybe sometimes there is just more than one right option.

I guess what it comes down to is that I am a good person with a good heart (yes, this is a theological discussion about whether or not people are good, but Jesus lives in me so I'ma say I'm good. Sue me.) and I don't want to mess up. I especially don't want to have to deal with the consequences of doing my own thing and not God's. But at the end of the day it's wonderful because I can rest knowing that God's grace is covering me and that "He works all things together for the good of those who love him."

*Disclaimer* I apologize for all the "decision" blogs. It's where my thoughts have been drifting. If you want to hear about something better ask me about my fall break.

Decisions decisions...

Hey guys, I'm back. It'd be cool if I had the excuse that I've just been soooo busy and my life is so exciting that I haven't had time to blog but that is not the case. I just haven't felt like it. So here I am again, ready to share some thoughts. Blogging just cannot be forced.

Lately I've been having an internal [I don't want to say struggle but...] struggle. Not really a struggle, but kind of. Up until this point in my life the decisions I've had to make have been, in hindsight, quite trivial. In high school it seemed like a really big deal deciding who to go to prom with, what electives to take, who to hang out with on my Friday nights, and what earrings to wear on any given day. But now.... NOW.... I'm a grown up. All of a sudden I'm realizing how important my decisions are.

Am I coming back to Asbury next semester? [For those of you who are uninformed, I'm thinking about studying in Spain in the summer to meet my graduation requirements, not dropping out ;)]
Should I go to seminary next fall?
Should I start looking for a full-time job?
Should I open my own separate bank account? [Yes. The answer to this one is yes.]
Should I think about moving somewhere far away?
What does God want me to do?

I'm not saying that these decisions are somehow stressing me out because I'm afraid that I'm not gonna make it, but as I get older I realize that God is giving me more responsibility. And in all these decisions, how is it actually that God would have me live and bring his kingdom on earth. I've always said that I don't want to do missions, but would I if I were totally free? Perhaps, perhaps not.

I don't know if I'm making sense. All these thoughts have been so abstract for weeks so I don't know if any of this is coherent.

Anyhow, back to my point. Lately I've been given a very acute sense of how important my role here on earth is. Don't get me wrong, I don't want to sound too self-important, but I know that God made me, me for a reason and I can either grow in to a more full, whole version of myself, or I can become a terrible, miserable wretch. I chose option A.

Sometimes I just look around at all the Saints that are running off to China to help the Persecuted Church and I think, "is my calling even legitimate?" I want very much to be a counselor. I love seeing people become free in Christ, but so far it's required very little risk [with the exception of money]. I think to myself, "did I just get fortunate enough to be called to that and not to risking my life?" I so much cannot resonate with ever wanting to move to China or Africa or even a Latin American country that I'm afraid my calling is almost "too good to be true." Could it be that God really wants to satisfy my desires?

"who satisfies your desires with good things
so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's. "

Yes Lauren, the answer to that question is yes. GET IT IN YOUR BRAIN.

Lately I've been feeling a little guilty for my life and I wonder if God isn't asking me to do more. "Feed my sheep." But then I tell myself, in the words of Kate Brannen, "God doesn't motivate with guilt. He motivates with love." And I am comforted... for a moment. I suppose it's false guilt for living the awesome life that I have. In writing this blog I'm beginning to realize that It's probably just the enemy trying to distract me from my calling. He loves to do that bull-honkey. If writing this blog is what it took to make me realize that, then great. The truth is, I just don't want to be a couch potato in the middle of a fierce battle of life and death. Holy cow, the universe is nuts.