Friday, March 27, 2009

It's Fri

It's just as I had suspected. Friday is much better. I've found clarity, joy, and a little bit of satisfaction. I have this insatiable desire to write but I'm uncertain where to go with this blog.

I know, why is it that when pain is inflicted the human heart is inspired to create? I have no idea how to answer that question but it is so true for me. I don't know how many times back in high school I spent hours throughout the middle of the night crying over a painting. Sounds so emo, right? Sometimes I would turn off all the lights in my room and paint by the light of one or two candles. Then I'd turn on the light and see what I had created. I suppose it was a healing exercise.

As I creep into adulthood and become hopefully a little less hormonal and emotional, I have found other outlets to express the creativity that is paired with suffering. I suppose this blog has helped me this week. Writing in it, making it look cute, etc. Every time I have a drivenness to create I am more convinced that there is a Creator, an Unmoved Mover, one driving force of all that exists.

Now I'm getting into philosophy. My limited knowledge has led me to the end of this blog.

"Take yourself to a place where your heart is provoked to create."

Thursday, March 26, 2009

It's Thurs

This week has been tough. It's Thursday and I'm so glad that that means tomorrow is Friday. Tuesday I got dumped, yesterday I found out that I didn't get the Ambassador Scholarship, and today, well today's been good. The most frustrating thing about these unfortunate happenings is that they encourage feelings of rejection to run rampant in my mind. Last night I felt like such a loser. But the thing is, when it comes right down to it, the breakup was a good thing and I'm really okay not being an ambassador. It's so easy to take things personally. But really, it's not all about me, and disappointment is a given. So basically I'm left to learn the best maneuvers to cope with it. Sometimes coping mechanisms are chocolate. Sometimes they're friends. Sometimes they're running or being busy. The sad part is, none of those mechanisms work. It's like total insanity trying to comfort myself with anything less than divinity. But I do it nonetheless. And then disillusionment sets in. All of a sudden all I know is that I'm sad but I have no idea, deep down, why I am actually sad. It's like trying to identify a boo boo in the heart that is invisible. So then what I do is... cry probably. Or bash someone else. And really just be an exuberantly uplifting person (noted sarcasm). It sucks. Disappointment sucks. Feeling like a loser sucks. I find comfort in knowing that my life really is good. I have lots of things to be happy about. But it's the Thursday of a really bummer week and mainly what I'm happy about is for it to be Friday. I'd say things are looking up.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

I like feet

Toes are cute and I love pedicures. Is that so wrong?