Monday, January 24, 2011

The Painful Part of the Journey

Man, it's been a while since I've blogged. There's been a lot that I wish I could say but that I won't bring myself to write on my blog. The result has been no blogs. I've really been going through a lot of stuff. God's been bringing up so much that I didn't know was there. Heavy bags filled with this and that and lots of deadly things that I didn't know I was carrying around. I'm tired now. But I don't think He's done with me yet. I've heard it described like this: God has to take the bandage off in order to heal the wound, even though it hurts to take the bandage off. We're so used to just sticking a covering over it that we almost forget the cut is there and then one day you realize that the cut was really way bigger than you ever thought and you're debilitated. That is, until the Healer comes. I can feel freedom coming but it's taking a long time. For now, the battle rages on. The longer I fight the more alive I feel and I know that He is my deliverer. There are days when hope is lacking and morale is low, but then there are days when Jesus is so present that I can't remember that I ever was hurt at all. There is always hope, contrary to what we might feel. There are two things that have helped me during this painful time: God is always after your heart and your transformation, and you are not the only one that feels, or has felt, this way. Even Jesus endured suffering, loneliness, shame, and immense sadness. Hebrews 12:2 says, "Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God." Sometimes I don't feel like my faith is being perfected in this pain, but I cannot believe the lie of the enemy that I have taken steps back. Jesus is always propelling me forward, closer to who I was made to be. So, "consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart." Hebrews 12:3