Monday, January 24, 2011

The Painful Part of the Journey

Man, it's been a while since I've blogged. There's been a lot that I wish I could say but that I won't bring myself to write on my blog. The result has been no blogs. I've really been going through a lot of stuff. God's been bringing up so much that I didn't know was there. Heavy bags filled with this and that and lots of deadly things that I didn't know I was carrying around. I'm tired now. But I don't think He's done with me yet. I've heard it described like this: God has to take the bandage off in order to heal the wound, even though it hurts to take the bandage off. We're so used to just sticking a covering over it that we almost forget the cut is there and then one day you realize that the cut was really way bigger than you ever thought and you're debilitated. That is, until the Healer comes. I can feel freedom coming but it's taking a long time. For now, the battle rages on. The longer I fight the more alive I feel and I know that He is my deliverer. There are days when hope is lacking and morale is low, but then there are days when Jesus is so present that I can't remember that I ever was hurt at all. There is always hope, contrary to what we might feel. There are two things that have helped me during this painful time: God is always after your heart and your transformation, and you are not the only one that feels, or has felt, this way. Even Jesus endured suffering, loneliness, shame, and immense sadness. Hebrews 12:2 says, "Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God." Sometimes I don't feel like my faith is being perfected in this pain, but I cannot believe the lie of the enemy that I have taken steps back. Jesus is always propelling me forward, closer to who I was made to be. So, "consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart." Hebrews 12:3


  1. Just as you commented on my blog, I was reading yours!

    I will never give up on you and I hope you do the same for me. I love you and I pray for you every day!

  2. haha that's awesome! Thanks Marie :)

  3. Praying for you and missing you, Lola!

  4. you are an amazing lady. i hope my girls grow up to be as smart as you and long to fill their hearts with the lord like you have. love you. praying for you.

  5. Lolita,

    1. I miss you. I'm so sorry I haven't called you in a while or really kept in touch at all. As hard as it might be to believe, please know that i love and miss you.

    2. I just read your blog (obviously) and it's very strange becuase I wrote in my journal, yesterday, almost the EXACT same thing. The part about the bandages was almost verbatum. God has been revealing- more like smacking me in the face- that I have been patching up wounds over and over again, basically building a wall around my heart, not letting anyone in OR anyone out (if that makes sense). Well, over the past few days actually God kind of ripped those bandages off...showing me that underneath certain wounds are still bleeding. It's SUPER hard, especially when I had just convinced myself that I was doing alright! haha. Never think that you're perfect, cause you're wrong (I have to tell myself that a lot, sadly). Anyways, all that to say, I'm right there with you. I don't know or even pretend to understand exactly what you're feeling, but I do know that bandages don't heal wounds and it hurts a lot to rip a bandaid off. So, I can at least understand that feeling.

    3. I have confidence that God will reveal his grace and love and glory to you throughout this time. In fact, for me, I am acutally very thankful becuase I have needed to take steps towards breaking down my walls but haven't known where to start until now. As you and probably many of our friends know, I'm SUPER good at building walls to keep people out... which in turn makes me super good at keeping things in--not letting them heal. It sucks, but there's hope.

    4. I'm praying for you. Always.

    5. I'm gonna try to call you sometime.....:)

    6. Ok, I'm done.

  6. Amen Lauren. I think of you and pray for you often. It certainly isn't the same around here without you. I am glad you are using this time for growth, healing and restoration.