On Desire and Fear... from an old blog I wrote...

"As I try to write, something I am not so accustomed to doing, I wonder if there will ever be words enough to express the desire within me. In being pursued, I find desires awakened that I had forgotten about. In some senses I am very much afraid of them. It seems that the life that He promises us has too often been interrupted by hurt and pain, so much so that we forget about the life, our hearts, our desires, so as not to be a victim of the worlds vile schemes. I hate that. I hate that the things that were meant to give us life often result in the most pain. But then I think, "who would we be without pain?" We would never know the healing words and actions of our lover, Jesus Christ. I know that it is only because of Christ that I am able to let myself be sought after again, and so I propose that I am fortunate to have felt the pain I did and experienced the love of Christ in its midst. Fear should never stop us from loving, talking, sharing, praying or anything that Jesus desires us to take part in. I want life and I am afraid. So do I let that fear cripple me, or do I hand it over to the only One who can truly handle it. Of course the latter, however difficult it may be at times."

I was compelled to share this on my current blog because I think it's the most real thing I've ever written.

I had forgotten about it but when I went back and read it I realized how much of what I was writing was still holding me. Fear is so crippling still. And it's sin. In being fearful I've admitted that God cannot take care of me. I wish I didn't fear anything.

Fearless Class 2011 lololol.