On Desire and Fear... from an old blog I wrote...

"As I try to write, something I am not so accustomed to doing, I wonder if there will ever be words enough to express the desire within me. In being pursued, I find desires awakened that I had forgotten about. In some senses I am very much afraid of them. It seems that the life that He promises us has too often been interrupted by hurt and pain, so much so that we forget about the life, our hearts, our desires, so as not to be a victim of the worlds vile schemes. I hate that. I hate that the things that were meant to give us life often result in the most pain. But then I think, "who would we be without pain?" We would never know the healing words and actions of our lover, Jesus Christ. I know that it is only because of Christ that I am able to let myself be sought after again, and so I propose that I am fortunate to have felt the pain I did and experienced the love of Christ in its midst. Fear should never stop us from loving, talking, sharing, praying or anything that Jesus desires us to take part in. I want life and I am afraid. So do I let that fear cripple me, or do I hand it over to the only One who can truly handle it. Of course the latter, however difficult it may be at times."

I was compelled to share this on my current blog because I think it's the most real thing I've ever written.

I had forgotten about it but when I went back and read it I realized how much of what I was writing was still holding me. Fear is so crippling still. And it's sin. In being fearful I've admitted that God cannot take care of me. I wish I didn't fear anything.

Fearless Class 2011 lololol.

We live in a fairy tale...

I've been thinking about this. If you take a step back and really look at our world it's just like a fairy tale. There are shires, magical wardrobes, mountain ranges, castles, Ireland... you get the idea. We have colors, dimensions, sunrises, sunsets, flying creatures, swiftly-moving beasts, air, flowers, intricate details. And a vast expanse of sky; stars and galaxies unknown. Maybe God gave us the sky just so we'd imagine. I think we've gotten too used to this magical place. I mean, come on, fire flies? Really? Bugs that light up and play with kids?

And as in all fairy tales, the beauty of this place is stripped by "the dark side," "the fires of mount doom," "the wicked witch of the west."

Long story short, satan sucks and so does anthrax.

Study Break

I've been doing homework literally all day. I woke up at 6:30 to finish a paper then I went to class and since then [with the exception of lunch] I have been doing homework. Also, I have a four tests in the next 5 class days. Ouch. Good one professors.

The good news is cross country is over. Yes!