Thursday, July 29, 2010

Procrastination

Right now I am sitting outside of Starbucks by a lovely fountain drinking a really delicious beverage.
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I'm trying to psych myself up enough to finish that darn seminary application. Lately I've not been feeling too motivated to be productive. I think it's because I have other, more exciting things on my mind. Not that going to seminary isn't exciting or anything, I just hate writing up applications. Applications for jobs, for college, for camp, for anything. Me no like. Anyway, I didn't want that little rant to be the focus of this blog.

Several days ago, when I was still at camp, I woke up abruptly at 6am. I was completely exhausted but I couldn't for the life of me fall back asleep. I realized after a few minutes that I was thinking really intensely about the next year of my life. I don't know about the rest of you, but I'm a little freaked. Part of me knows that God's totally got this one and that I'll be fine, but it's scary going out into the real world. Right now my parents still pretty much pay for everything and I am a bit less than self-reliant. And it's like, in a few months I'll be out in the world to fend for myself. Can I really do it? Am I really responsible enough? Smart enough? Capable enough? I know that I will be fine and probably successful, but it's still nerve-wracking.

So as I lay in bed I found myself trying to work out how I'm going to pay for everything, how I'm going to spend enough time with people, how I'm going to look for a job and I realized that I should just stop. Worrying is just so silly. And so I came to this resolution: to enjoy the adventure before me and live happily and bravely in the midst of uncertainties. If we could plan everything out perfectly where would God fit in? He wants me to need him. How beautiful it is to know that He wants, actually wants, to take care of me. That is good news.

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All gone.

8 comments:

  1. you are such a beautifully smart lady. i am proud of you.

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  2. You're right! That is good news!

    Is that the Starbucks that I have been to?
    I wish I were sitting there with you.

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  3. Yes it is dear Kate :) I so wish you were with me too.

    Thanks Bonnie :)

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  4. I didn't know you were applying for seminary. How did I miss that?

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  5. hmmm... idk.

    Guess what Marie! I'm applying to seminary!

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  6. I didn't know either! I can't wait until we're all together and can catch up on all of the big life decisions that have been made over the summer :) So So So soon!
    Which seminary are you applying to?

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  7. girl i can't wait either. Gordon Conwell TS. There's a commuter campus in Char so I'm hoping I get in there. Shouldn't be too hard.

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  8. haha funny story- a prof there and his wife are thinking about moving to Mexico with OMS and visited this summer :) he was hilarious and a really neat guy so I def approve haha

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