I didn't think I'd be feeling so nostalgic

but I've realized that I had a more life changing experience at Mason's wedding than I was expecting. It was a beautiful time. For one thing, the actual wedding was the most gorgeous spectacle I've ever witnessed. The flowers were stunning. The reception was filled with glowing chandeliers, green and white hydrangeas, peonies, roses, and lilies, and my oh so glowing brother. His bride was stunning. I could go on describing the beauty of this wedding but I'll stop.
Then there were the families. The love that was shared between my family and the bride's family was incredible. Usually in-laws don't love each other so much, but it was amazing how everyone got along so well. I stayed with Michelle's (the bride) family and they were awesome. I've never had such gracious hosts. I really miss them. I will forever remember this past week as one of the best in my life. I'm wondering if I'll have as much fun at my own wedding!
I've also never felt so happy for Mason. He was just indescribably happy. When Michelle stepped foot onto the isle I saw his bottom lip start to quiver. It was so cute. Of course I was a wreck... just trying to keep my $70 make-up job in tact. But anyhow, he had one of the prettiest brides ever. And now they're in Hawaii and I'm totally envious ;) It's an amazing thing to see one of your siblings get married. It made me realize how much I love him and how much I want his life to be good. I've never been so blessed as I was last week.

I'm annoyed. I don't know why. It's annoying that I don't know why I'm annoyed.

I Like Running

but my knee is messed up so I did a spin class today at the Y. It was goofy.



I have an appointment with an orthopedist tomorrow morning. I hope he fixes me so I can get in shape for XC.

In other news, I'm trying to decide whether or not to wear this dress to Mason's rehearsal dinner. What do you all think?

http://cgi.ebay.com.my/Banana-Republic-Purple-Silk-Holiday-2008-dress-10-NWT_W0QQcmdZViewItemQQitemZ300298910376

On Loving People

Lately I've come to the realization that God has been putting certain people in my life to minister to and I didn't even know he was doing it. It's a funny thing about walking with Jesus. He marks our steps so that his perfect will is carried out and we don't necessarily know that we're being used at all. At least I haven't. I've been learning since being home the last couple days how Jesus has loved and is loving people through me. I'd say it's a good thing that I didn't know it until now or I may have been hasty to give myself a pat on the back for the "good works" I'm doing. But I must say that it is only God who has arranged for these relationships in my life. And I have benefited greatly from them as well. It has brought me great joy and a deep-rooted passion for people that I may normally despise.
With each step I take I am more and more convinced that He wants nothing more than my heart. He wants my unending devotion to Him and his love. He works everything else out on His own. What freedom I have found in that, knowing that our only responsibility is to bring our hearts to Him. I don't have to strive to be any kind of Christian other than one who loves God with everything. It's difficult to know exactly what that means, but I suppose that's why He gives us the grace of a process.

Home Sweet Home

The thought that I don't have to go to class for almost 3 months is so regal to me that my brain can't comprehend it. No, it can't accept it. I don't have to study. I don't have any math problems to work out. I don't have to listen to Prof. Walsh talk about debits and credits. Being home is wonderful.

I probably shouldn't publish this.

I didn't know why I couldn't just be happy. I'd strive to put on joy like an accessory in the morning. It's not that I didn't want to admit that I was hurt. It's that I just didn't want to be hurt. I would say that I thought that just brushing it off would be the answer... but that's just it, I didn't think. All I wanted was just to be okay and not have to deal with what I was really feeling. It's true, I went from being fine to just being mad. I skipped the whole sad part. That's why I just spent the last 30 minutes crying. Being rejected is being denied the most important of human needs, which is love. Now I know more clearly my need for love and Jesus is welcomed to meet it.

Slumber

I woke up at 2:00pm today. What the heck.

Also, I wore that thing on my face the whole time.

2:06

So it's super late and I'm super tired but I really just want to blog. God's given me this insatiable desire to create and when it comes on really strong I have to do something creative or I just die a little bit inside. So here is my attempt to be creative at 1:48 am.

There are few things that I enjoy more than a long, good, meaningful conversation. I had one of those tonight. It was great. There is a certain kind of intimacy that is achieved within a friendship when both parties feel understood. That's how I felt tonight: understood, seen even. It is a rare thing that someone sees you for who you are and can truly appreciate it. But when they do it makes life so much more enjoyable and hopeful.

Tonight was not the only night that I've been so blessed with a good conversation. Recently I've been enjoying them a lot. Marie, Holland, Jackie, Anna, Kindra, Erika, DJ, Mason, and lots of others have been so willing to share with me. I love these people and I love the good conversations that they bring to my life. I'm learning so many things through these dialogs. I feel like a lucky girl.

That being said, I must sleep now. Thanks for reading!