Procrastination

Right now I am sitting outside of Starbucks by a lovely fountain drinking a really delicious beverage.



I'm trying to psych myself up enough to finish that darn seminary application. Lately I've not been feeling too motivated to be productive. I think it's because I have other, more exciting things on my mind. Not that going to seminary isn't exciting or anything, I just hate writing up applications. Applications for jobs, for college, for camp, for anything. Me no like. Anyway, I didn't want that little rant to be the focus of this blog.

Several days ago, when I was still at camp, I woke up abruptly at 6am. I was completely exhausted but I couldn't for the life of me fall back asleep. I realized after a few minutes that I was thinking really intensely about the next year of my life. I don't know about the rest of you, but I'm a little freaked. Part of me knows that God's totally got this one and that I'll be fine, but it's scary going out into the real world. Right now my parents still pretty much pay for everything and I am a bit less than self-reliant. And it's like, in a few months I'll be out in the world to fend for myself. Can I really do it? Am I really responsible enough? Smart enough? Capable enough? I know that I will be fine and probably successful, but it's still nerve-wracking.

So as I lay in bed I found myself trying to work out how I'm going to pay for everything, how I'm going to spend enough time with people, how I'm going to look for a job and I realized that I should just stop. Worrying is just so silly. And so I came to this resolution: to enjoy the adventure before me and live happily and bravely in the midst of uncertainties. If we could plan everything out perfectly where would God fit in? He wants me to need him. How beautiful it is to know that He wants, actually wants, to take care of me. That is good news.



All gone.

The Life of the Unemployed

Well, we're about three weeks into the summer [I think] and I am still without work. I've been waiting for a couple of weeks to hear back about a job with someone I babysit for, but so far nothing. The company I would be working for is called The Nexxus Group. I don't want to take the time to explain what they do because that would bore both me and you. But actually I think it would be a pretty cool job so I hope I get it. It sounds like if they want to spend the money on me I got it. But who knows. They're being kind of flakey at the moment.

While being unemployed, however, I have been able to rest a lot and do some fun things. The week of my birthday I went down to Charleston, SC for two days and hung out with my brother and his in-laws. It was so fun. I got to surf [if you can call it that] and get a sweet tan. Now my skin finally matches the color of my make-up. Hooray!

I've also been doing some reading, most of which is not on that original list that I related to you all. I started Dear John by Nicholas Sparks [my first Sparks book] and I read a couple of chapters in A Grief Observed by C.S. Lewis, which, to be honest, I didn't really like. I know that's a sin for any Asburian to criticize Lewis, but I just didn't think it was that spectacular. Just depressing, which is fine because he was going through immense suffering when he wrote this piece, I just didn't find it particularly helpful. But I don't think it was intended to be. He's a brilliant thinker, but I was mildly discouraged after reading this work.

Also in my free time I've been going to the gym a whole bunch. Me and the YMCA are like this. I've been spending around an hour and a half there everyday this week. It's strange because I usually hate working out, but I've been quite enjoying it. And seriously, there are some pretty attractive college-aged men there in the middle of the day in the summer. Who knew?

Yesterday, I babysat for the same family three separate times.

I've gone shopping six times since I've been home.

I'm going to a surprise birthday party on Saturday for my friend. She's turning 40. Who am I?

Finally, I've somehow managed to scrounge up a blind date for Sunday afternoon. The woman I babysit for, Robyn, insisted that I go out with this German kid from Munich who's living in her neighborhood for the summer. I said, sure, why not? He seems super nice so we'll see. Anybody know anything about German culture? Any taboos I should be aware of? He's into Architecture, he speaks three languages, and he's driven across the US so I think he might be an interesting person to get to know. Oh and he also apparently refers to me as 'LJ' behind my back. But for real, I'm kind of scared to go out with a European. Hopefully I won't behave too sillily.

Sorry if this blog was boring... the point is that after all that I feel like a bum and I wish I had a job so that I would know that I am contributing to my family and my education. I need money for next year and watching my parents go to work bright and early everyday is making me feel like I should be doing the same. I know they don't feel like I'm a burden but you know how it is...

My Summer Reading List

Every summer I have high aspirations for my reading list. I usually think I can read about five books, which is definitely possible for your avid reader, but I'm lazy. I usually only get through a half a book because there always seem to be better things to do than read.
My list this year includes some books that I've started, some that I'm reading again, and some that I've heard are good and want to try. Here they are:
1. Crazy Love by Francis Chan
2. The Great Divorce by C.S. Lewis
3. A Generous Orthodoxy by Brian McLaren
4. As Sure as the Dawn by Francine Rivers
5. East of Eden by John Steinbeck
6. The Same Kind of Different As Me by Ron Hall and Denver Moore

I'm looking forward to trying real hard to finish these. Have any of you read them? What did you think?