So here it goes. I haven't written on my blog in months. It feels kind of weird. I have no real agenda today in writing this blog. I'm just doing it in hopes that the unknown mass pressing on my chest will somehow be released. I don't write much but when I do it's usually to figure something out that remains hidden in my mind unless properly channeled.
Post-college life has been really cool. Sometimes I ache for those fun times at asbury, but all-in-all I am very satisfied in paying my own way, working with my hands, and moving along. All that studying started to overwhelm me and bog me down towards the end of last year. Now I feel free and happy and light. It's strange though because I'm not vocationally where I want to be and I'm not making as much money as I'd hoped to, but I have a sense and a peace that I am paving my own way and it's a good feeling. It's the feeling that "I can do it."
And not only that but that God can do it too. Jesus is like woah so awesome. He's like, Lauren trust me because really when have you ever not eaten or slept in a bed or had a roof? In fact, I've always been blessed with way more than that. So anyway, I guess the point is that I'm finally experiencing peace and of you knew any personal details about my life from last year you'd know that's a big deal.
Well, I guess this means I need to start keeping up with this thing again. Maybe I will maybe I won't :)
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Sunday, June 5, 2011
Everything's changing
So this morning I planned on going to church but of course I was a sleepy little and just snoozed it and went back to sleep. It was good though because I finally feel caught up on my sleep. Today is the first day here that I've been able to sleep in. There's always been something going on.
Anyway, when I woke up no one was in the house so I had a lot of quiet and was finally able to process the last two weeks. But I really ended up processing the last two months. Lately, especially being here in Spain, it seems like everything in my life is changing or has changed. I'm realizing how comfortable I was in my life. But now my parents are selling the house I grew up in, I'm starting a new job after this, I'm buying a new car, I'm moving into a new apartment in the next few months, I'm separated from my awesome college friends, and I'm starting a whole new chapter. My friends are getting engaged and married. It's so weird. I knew this was coming and I've been really excited for it but now I'm lamenting the comfortable place I've been in since I emerged from the womb. Lol yes emerged from the womb. I guess I could have just said born. Accepting change is rely hard. But I've definitely learned that God is the only constant in your life and that's where I'm putting my faith. Otherwise I'll be a hot mess.
Only ten more days in Spain! Time to capitalize on my time here and look forward to moving on when it's over.
Anyway, when I woke up no one was in the house so I had a lot of quiet and was finally able to process the last two weeks. But I really ended up processing the last two months. Lately, especially being here in Spain, it seems like everything in my life is changing or has changed. I'm realizing how comfortable I was in my life. But now my parents are selling the house I grew up in, I'm starting a new job after this, I'm buying a new car, I'm moving into a new apartment in the next few months, I'm separated from my awesome college friends, and I'm starting a whole new chapter. My friends are getting engaged and married. It's so weird. I knew this was coming and I've been really excited for it but now I'm lamenting the comfortable place I've been in since I emerged from the womb. Lol yes emerged from the womb. I guess I could have just said born. Accepting change is rely hard. But I've definitely learned that God is the only constant in your life and that's where I'm putting my faith. Otherwise I'll be a hot mess.
Only ten more days in Spain! Time to capitalize on my time here and look forward to moving on when it's over.
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Spain
Hi friends! If you've been checking my blog I apologize that I haven't been writing. It's sometimes a challenge to have time to write and have access to wifi (pronounced weefee here). But that is all in the past because I'm writing now! First things first, if you're in my family I miss you, if we went to college together I miss you, if you're my boyfriend or my best friend I miss you.
Being in a foreign country is definitely cool. There's so many new and exciting things to see. It's like being reborn. And honestly, I love Spain. The people here are lovely and smart and they dress really well (well a good majority of them anyway). They have beautiful accents and they value family above almost everything else. For being such a big city Sevilla is definitely a community all it's own.
I have to add though that I have never been so out of my element. There literally hasn't been one familiar thing since I walked onto the first plane in Charlotte. So yeah it's been a little uncomfortable, painful even, but really good. I haven't had anyone to rely on but Jesus this whole time and my how he's taught me to trust and receive. And I've learned a lot about myself too. I really am a big girl. I can find my way around a foreign city all by myself. I can speak broken Spanish and achieve exactly what I wanted to. I can make new friends and study hard and pay for stuff and budget my money and be ok. I can reach out to my host family and besides breaking a piece of their dishwasher off, have a fairly good impact on them. I can find my way around airports and train stations and bus stops. Maybe I didn't have enough faith in myself. And maybe to some of you more independent people this all seems really simple but it's things I've never done before. So, all that to say, the loneliness and the challenge have been really good.
Finally, I haven't really had time to post pictures but there's some on Facebook if you're really curious. The problem is that I can't put them on via my iPad and I don't want to drag my computer places. We don't have weefee at my house. But anyway I hope all you lovely people are swell. I'll try to write again soon. Love you all!
Being in a foreign country is definitely cool. There's so many new and exciting things to see. It's like being reborn. And honestly, I love Spain. The people here are lovely and smart and they dress really well (well a good majority of them anyway). They have beautiful accents and they value family above almost everything else. For being such a big city Sevilla is definitely a community all it's own.
I have to add though that I have never been so out of my element. There literally hasn't been one familiar thing since I walked onto the first plane in Charlotte. So yeah it's been a little uncomfortable, painful even, but really good. I haven't had anyone to rely on but Jesus this whole time and my how he's taught me to trust and receive. And I've learned a lot about myself too. I really am a big girl. I can find my way around a foreign city all by myself. I can speak broken Spanish and achieve exactly what I wanted to. I can make new friends and study hard and pay for stuff and budget my money and be ok. I can reach out to my host family and besides breaking a piece of their dishwasher off, have a fairly good impact on them. I can find my way around airports and train stations and bus stops. Maybe I didn't have enough faith in myself. And maybe to some of you more independent people this all seems really simple but it's things I've never done before. So, all that to say, the loneliness and the challenge have been really good.
Finally, I haven't really had time to post pictures but there's some on Facebook if you're really curious. The problem is that I can't put them on via my iPad and I don't want to drag my computer places. We don't have weefee at my house. But anyway I hope all you lovely people are swell. I'll try to write again soon. Love you all!
Monday, January 24, 2011
The Painful Part of the Journey
Man, it's been a while since I've blogged. There's been a lot that I wish I could say but that I won't bring myself to write on my blog. The result has been no blogs. I've really been going through a lot of stuff. God's been bringing up so much that I didn't know was there. Heavy bags filled with this and that and lots of deadly things that I didn't know I was carrying around. I'm tired now. But I don't think He's done with me yet. I've heard it described like this: God has to take the bandage off in order to heal the wound, even though it hurts to take the bandage off. We're so used to just sticking a covering over it that we almost forget the cut is there and then one day you realize that the cut was really way bigger than you ever thought and you're debilitated. That is, until the Healer comes. I can feel freedom coming but it's taking a long time. For now, the battle rages on. The longer I fight the more alive I feel and I know that He is my deliverer. There are days when hope is lacking and morale is low, but then there are days when Jesus is so present that I can't remember that I ever was hurt at all. There is always hope, contrary to what we might feel. There are two things that have helped me during this painful time: God is always after your heart and your transformation, and you are not the only one that feels, or has felt, this way. Even Jesus endured suffering, loneliness, shame, and immense sadness. Hebrews 12:2 says, "Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God." Sometimes I don't feel like my faith is being perfected in this pain, but I cannot believe the lie of the enemy that I have taken steps back. Jesus is always propelling me forward, closer to who I was made to be. So, "consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart." Hebrews 12:3
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Saturday, December 11, 2010
Reading
I wish I liked it more. When I was younger I absolutely HATED it, and now I think it's OK but I just would love to be able to get into a story more. I read lots of books that would probably be labeled as "self-help"[even though I more or less despise that term], but novels are a whole different thing. I just can't seem to really get into a story enough to love the process of getting through it.
Also, my least favorite thing when I tell people that I don't really like to read is the response "well you just haven't read the right books yet." OH MY GOSH SHUT YOUR MOUTH. It is humanly possible to not enjoy reading. And I'm a stinking senior in college, I've read plenty of so-called "great works." I don't say that to take away from the fact that they are great works, because they really are. I appreciate them very much when I'm done with them, but the process of getting through them is semi-torturous to me. I've also read several great novels that were not related to school and have loved the stories but hated the reading. It's just the way it is.
In one of his skits Jim Gaffigan says, "I hate it when you see a great movie and you tell someone that you loved it and then they say 'oh but the book was sooo much better.' And then I say 'yeah but you had to sit there and read it.'" That's exactly how I feel. You have to SIT THERE. FOR HOURS.
Anyway, the point of the story is that I want to be one of those people, like my roommate Anna Mozely, who eats up novels like a monkey eats up bananas. It'd be great and I'd probably be so much smarter, but what can you do?
Oh well, I guess that's all I had to say about that. ONLY 14 days until Christmas!!
Also, my least favorite thing when I tell people that I don't really like to read is the response "well you just haven't read the right books yet." OH MY GOSH SHUT YOUR MOUTH. It is humanly possible to not enjoy reading. And I'm a stinking senior in college, I've read plenty of so-called "great works." I don't say that to take away from the fact that they are great works, because they really are. I appreciate them very much when I'm done with them, but the process of getting through them is semi-torturous to me. I've also read several great novels that were not related to school and have loved the stories but hated the reading. It's just the way it is.
In one of his skits Jim Gaffigan says, "I hate it when you see a great movie and you tell someone that you loved it and then they say 'oh but the book was sooo much better.' And then I say 'yeah but you had to sit there and read it.'" That's exactly how I feel. You have to SIT THERE. FOR HOURS.
Anyway, the point of the story is that I want to be one of those people, like my roommate Anna Mozely, who eats up novels like a monkey eats up bananas. It'd be great and I'd probably be so much smarter, but what can you do?
Oh well, I guess that's all I had to say about that. ONLY 14 days until Christmas!!
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Psalm 62
Find rest, O my soul, in God alone;
my hope comes from him.
He alone is my rock and my salvation;
he is my fortress, I will not be shaken.
My salvation and my honor depend on God;
he is my mighty rock, my refuge.
Trust in him at all times, O people;
pour out your hearts to him,
for God is our refuge.
...
One thing God has spoken,
two things have I heard:
that you, O God, are strong,
and that you, O Lord, are loving.
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Homecoming
I had two best friends on homecoming court this year so I thought I'd put some pictures up of the event.
Jenelle in her beautiful zig-zag dress from Street Scene (a really cool vintage consignment store in Lexington). Just look at those legs!
And Kindra looking totally chic in her black dress. I just love these girls!
Now for the nostalgia. This, being my last semester of college, is very sad. Exciting, hopeful even, but sad. I will never have this time back and we will never all be together in this context again [at least until heaven]. So here's some more photos of the people I will never forget. Maybe it's too soon for a goodbye blog... this is just a preview. There will be a for real one later.
Jenelle in her beautiful zig-zag dress from Street Scene (a really cool vintage consignment store in Lexington). Just look at those legs!
And Kindra looking totally chic in her black dress. I just love these girls!Now for the nostalgia. This, being my last semester of college, is very sad. Exciting, hopeful even, but sad. I will never have this time back and we will never all be together in this context again [at least until heaven]. So here's some more photos of the people I will never forget. Maybe it's too soon for a goodbye blog... this is just a preview. There will be a for real one later.
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Procrastination
It'll getcha. I'm at Main & Maple with Kate right now NOT writing my Spanish paper. I mean I would, but I have no idea what it's supposed to be about. When a teacher says, "write me a paper on La vida es sueño. It can be about anything" I find myself at a loss. Too much independence. Too much choice. Which leads me to a perfect blog topic. How dandy!
Making choices. I think that if we were all honest we'd rather have God just spell everything out for us (as far as what to do next in decision making) than we would want to wait, not knowing what to do. Human beings like being in control. It's funny how oppositely God works. He's like, nope, let me be in control. And we're like, but holy cow you're an invisible being that is unpredictable and hard to understand. It's easier to say, "it's in God's hands." Than it is to say, "God is changing me and giving me wisdom about what to do." Now I'm not saying that it isn't in God's hands, because it is, but I am saying that sometimes it just seems hard to hear from God about decision-making.
In all my recent decisions I haven't really heard one way or another about what I'm supposed to do. I have basically decided not to come back to Asbury in the spring and to go to Spain in the summer to finish up. I think it's the right thing. I'm still planning on going to seminary in the fall and hopefully get a job with benefits. I have plans. But I really haven't heard exactly one way or another on them from Jesus. I know Jesus wants me to be a counselor, but as far as when to go to school, or where, I'm not certain.
So I'm left to think that He's teaching me to listen more closely to Him, to be more flexible, and/or to learn to make my own decisions wisely. I think He wants His children to be independent in the sense that we gain wisdom and insight into how to live life. Maybe sometimes there is just more than one right option.
I guess what it comes down to is that I am a good person with a good heart (yes, this is a theological discussion about whether or not people are good, but Jesus lives in me so I'ma say I'm good. Sue me.) and I don't want to mess up. I especially don't want to have to deal with the consequences of doing my own thing and not God's. But at the end of the day it's wonderful because I can rest knowing that God's grace is covering me and that "He works all things together for the good of those who love him."
*Disclaimer* I apologize for all the "decision" blogs. It's where my thoughts have been drifting. If you want to hear about something better ask me about my fall break.
Making choices. I think that if we were all honest we'd rather have God just spell everything out for us (as far as what to do next in decision making) than we would want to wait, not knowing what to do. Human beings like being in control. It's funny how oppositely God works. He's like, nope, let me be in control. And we're like, but holy cow you're an invisible being that is unpredictable and hard to understand. It's easier to say, "it's in God's hands." Than it is to say, "God is changing me and giving me wisdom about what to do." Now I'm not saying that it isn't in God's hands, because it is, but I am saying that sometimes it just seems hard to hear from God about decision-making.
In all my recent decisions I haven't really heard one way or another about what I'm supposed to do. I have basically decided not to come back to Asbury in the spring and to go to Spain in the summer to finish up. I think it's the right thing. I'm still planning on going to seminary in the fall and hopefully get a job with benefits. I have plans. But I really haven't heard exactly one way or another on them from Jesus. I know Jesus wants me to be a counselor, but as far as when to go to school, or where, I'm not certain.
So I'm left to think that He's teaching me to listen more closely to Him, to be more flexible, and/or to learn to make my own decisions wisely. I think He wants His children to be independent in the sense that we gain wisdom and insight into how to live life. Maybe sometimes there is just more than one right option.
I guess what it comes down to is that I am a good person with a good heart (yes, this is a theological discussion about whether or not people are good, but Jesus lives in me so I'ma say I'm good. Sue me.) and I don't want to mess up. I especially don't want to have to deal with the consequences of doing my own thing and not God's. But at the end of the day it's wonderful because I can rest knowing that God's grace is covering me and that "He works all things together for the good of those who love him."
*Disclaimer* I apologize for all the "decision" blogs. It's where my thoughts have been drifting. If you want to hear about something better ask me about my fall break.
Saturday, October 16, 2010
Decisions decisions...
Hey guys, I'm back. It'd be cool if I had the excuse that I've just been soooo busy and my life is so exciting that I haven't had time to blog but that is not the case. I just haven't felt like it. So here I am again, ready to share some thoughts. Blogging just cannot be forced.
Lately I've been having an internal [I don't want to say struggle but...] struggle. Not really a struggle, but kind of. Up until this point in my life the decisions I've had to make have been, in hindsight, quite trivial. In high school it seemed like a really big deal deciding who to go to prom with, what electives to take, who to hang out with on my Friday nights, and what earrings to wear on any given day. But now.... NOW.... I'm a grown up. All of a sudden I'm realizing how important my decisions are.
Am I coming back to Asbury next semester? [For those of you who are uninformed, I'm thinking about studying in Spain in the summer to meet my graduation requirements, not dropping out ;)]
Should I go to seminary next fall?
Should I start looking for a full-time job?
Should I open my own separate bank account? [Yes. The answer to this one is yes.]
Should I think about moving somewhere far away?
What does God want me to do?
I'm not saying that these decisions are somehow stressing me out because I'm afraid that I'm not gonna make it, but as I get older I realize that God is giving me more responsibility. And in all these decisions, how is it actually that God would have me live and bring his kingdom on earth. I've always said that I don't want to do missions, but would I if I were totally free? Perhaps, perhaps not.
I don't know if I'm making sense. All these thoughts have been so abstract for weeks so I don't know if any of this is coherent.
Anyhow, back to my point. Lately I've been given a very acute sense of how important my role here on earth is. Don't get me wrong, I don't want to sound too self-important, but I know that God made me, me for a reason and I can either grow in to a more full, whole version of myself, or I can become a terrible, miserable wretch. I chose option A.
Sometimes I just look around at all the Saints that are running off to China to help the Persecuted Church and I think, "is my calling even legitimate?" I want very much to be a counselor. I love seeing people become free in Christ, but so far it's required very little risk [with the exception of money]. I think to myself, "did I just get fortunate enough to be called to that and not to risking my life?" I so much cannot resonate with ever wanting to move to China or Africa or even a Latin American country that I'm afraid my calling is almost "too good to be true." Could it be that God really wants to satisfy my desires?
"who satisfies your desires with good things
so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's. "
Yes Lauren, the answer to that question is yes. GET IT IN YOUR BRAIN.
Lately I've been feeling a little guilty for my life and I wonder if God isn't asking me to do more. "Feed my sheep." But then I tell myself, in the words of Kate Brannen, "God doesn't motivate with guilt. He motivates with love." And I am comforted... for a moment. I suppose it's false guilt for living the awesome life that I have. In writing this blog I'm beginning to realize that It's probably just the enemy trying to distract me from my calling. He loves to do that bull-honkey. If writing this blog is what it took to make me realize that, then great. The truth is, I just don't want to be a couch potato in the middle of a fierce battle of life and death. Holy cow, the universe is nuts.
Lately I've been having an internal [I don't want to say struggle but...] struggle. Not really a struggle, but kind of. Up until this point in my life the decisions I've had to make have been, in hindsight, quite trivial. In high school it seemed like a really big deal deciding who to go to prom with, what electives to take, who to hang out with on my Friday nights, and what earrings to wear on any given day. But now.... NOW.... I'm a grown up. All of a sudden I'm realizing how important my decisions are.
Am I coming back to Asbury next semester? [For those of you who are uninformed, I'm thinking about studying in Spain in the summer to meet my graduation requirements, not dropping out ;)]
Should I go to seminary next fall?
Should I start looking for a full-time job?
Should I open my own separate bank account? [Yes. The answer to this one is yes.]
Should I think about moving somewhere far away?
What does God want me to do?
I'm not saying that these decisions are somehow stressing me out because I'm afraid that I'm not gonna make it, but as I get older I realize that God is giving me more responsibility. And in all these decisions, how is it actually that God would have me live and bring his kingdom on earth. I've always said that I don't want to do missions, but would I if I were totally free? Perhaps, perhaps not.
I don't know if I'm making sense. All these thoughts have been so abstract for weeks so I don't know if any of this is coherent.
Anyhow, back to my point. Lately I've been given a very acute sense of how important my role here on earth is. Don't get me wrong, I don't want to sound too self-important, but I know that God made me, me for a reason and I can either grow in to a more full, whole version of myself, or I can become a terrible, miserable wretch. I chose option A.
Sometimes I just look around at all the Saints that are running off to China to help the Persecuted Church and I think, "is my calling even legitimate?" I want very much to be a counselor. I love seeing people become free in Christ, but so far it's required very little risk [with the exception of money]. I think to myself, "did I just get fortunate enough to be called to that and not to risking my life?" I so much cannot resonate with ever wanting to move to China or Africa or even a Latin American country that I'm afraid my calling is almost "too good to be true." Could it be that God really wants to satisfy my desires?
"who satisfies your desires with good things
so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's. "
Yes Lauren, the answer to that question is yes. GET IT IN YOUR BRAIN.
Lately I've been feeling a little guilty for my life and I wonder if God isn't asking me to do more. "Feed my sheep." But then I tell myself, in the words of Kate Brannen, "God doesn't motivate with guilt. He motivates with love." And I am comforted... for a moment. I suppose it's false guilt for living the awesome life that I have. In writing this blog I'm beginning to realize that It's probably just the enemy trying to distract me from my calling. He loves to do that bull-honkey. If writing this blog is what it took to make me realize that, then great. The truth is, I just don't want to be a couch potato in the middle of a fierce battle of life and death. Holy cow, the universe is nuts.
Saturday, September 18, 2010
A New Discovery
Recently I was listening to my "Keith and Kristyn Getty" station on Pandora and stumbled upon this guy,
David Nevue is a Christian pianist that composes his own music as well as re-writes hymns. I think his music is beautiful and I just can't stop listening to it. Maybe you guys will like it too!
David Nevue is a Christian pianist that composes his own music as well as re-writes hymns. I think his music is beautiful and I just can't stop listening to it. Maybe you guys will like it too!
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
3 New Infatuations:
1. One a Day women's daily vitamins.
Let me tell you what, these things are amazing. They've got so much stuff in them I wonder a) if I'm ever going to die now that I'm taking them, and b) if I even need to eat anymore.
2. Freeze Pops
The delicious, low-cal snack. I know you're mad that you didn't know about the 25 Cal Fro Po's.
3. All things NIKE
Because everything they do is perfect.
Let me tell you what, these things are amazing. They've got so much stuff in them I wonder a) if I'm ever going to die now that I'm taking them, and b) if I even need to eat anymore.
2. Freeze Pops
The delicious, low-cal snack. I know you're mad that you didn't know about the 25 Cal Fro Po's.
3. All things NIKE
Because everything they do is perfect.
Saturday, August 28, 2010
Today I hopped a fence
in order to get to this beautiful garden of sunflowers. I'm sorry R.J. Corman for trespassing on your private property, but we just had to. These flowers were meant to be photographed.
Busy Bees.
Marie-Claire and Anna
Roomie Love 
Me and Marie-Claire
Mmm yes.
Anna and her cute red pants.
I love that I love my roommate.
Busy Bees.
Marie-Claire and Anna
Roomie Love 
Me and Marie-Claire
Mmm yes.
Anna and her cute red pants.
I love that I love my roommate.
Monday, August 23, 2010
New Beginnings
"It is august and as I look into the next months of my life I see a new school year, new boyfriend, new apartment, new living companions, new classes, new jobs, and new hopes for the future."
New hopes. That's it, new beginnings means new hopes. It's similar to viewing the glass as half empty or half full. Do I see my life as a bunch of endings; ongoing movements away from people I love or have loved? Or do I see it as a constant strain of new beginnings? I do want to have hope, so I am choosing the latter option.
Just a little epiphany but there's your food for thought.
Just a little epiphany but there's your food for thought.
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
I'm blogging at starbucks again
So I'm sitting at a bar counter thing and the Baristas are talking about something that is causing me abdominal pain. Not because it's gross but because I need to laugh.
Barista numero uno: "So I know it's really soon but have you thought about getting another cat?"
Barista numero dos: "No not really. I don't think I can find another cat to replace her."
Barista numero uno: [shaking head] "Yeah that's just so hard."
Barista numero dos: "Yeah but it's character building, you know? I can say I've been there, done that. It comes with the territory of owning an animal."
Barista numero uno: [still shaking head] "Yeah I understand. I just can't imagine that. I've thought about what I'm going to do when my dogs die. I just don't know if I can replace them right away or not."
Barista numero dos: "I have had friends who've done both. Sometimes it's a good distraction when you do get a new one."
I think that was the end of the conversation. I'm sorry to all you animal lovers... I know I'm insensitive.
On another note, it's Jackie Marie's 21st birthday today! Happy birthday best friend!! I love you a thousand loves.
Barista numero uno: "So I know it's really soon but have you thought about getting another cat?"
Barista numero dos: "No not really. I don't think I can find another cat to replace her."
Barista numero uno: [shaking head] "Yeah that's just so hard."
Barista numero dos: "Yeah but it's character building, you know? I can say I've been there, done that. It comes with the territory of owning an animal."
Barista numero uno: [still shaking head] "Yeah I understand. I just can't imagine that. I've thought about what I'm going to do when my dogs die. I just don't know if I can replace them right away or not."
Barista numero dos: "I have had friends who've done both. Sometimes it's a good distraction when you do get a new one."
I think that was the end of the conversation. I'm sorry to all you animal lovers... I know I'm insensitive.
On another note, it's Jackie Marie's 21st birthday today! Happy birthday best friend!! I love you a thousand loves.
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Procrastination
Right now I am sitting outside of Starbucks by a lovely fountain drinking a really delicious beverage.
I'm trying to psych myself up enough to finish that darn seminary application. Lately I've not been feeling too motivated to be productive. I think it's because I have other, more exciting things on my mind. Not that going to seminary isn't exciting or anything, I just hate writing up applications. Applications for jobs, for college, for camp, for anything. Me no like. Anyway, I didn't want that little rant to be the focus of this blog.
Several days ago, when I was still at camp, I woke up abruptly at 6am. I was completely exhausted but I couldn't for the life of me fall back asleep. I realized after a few minutes that I was thinking really intensely about the next year of my life. I don't know about the rest of you, but I'm a little freaked. Part of me knows that God's totally got this one and that I'll be fine, but it's scary going out into the real world. Right now my parents still pretty much pay for everything and I am a bit less than self-reliant. And it's like, in a few months I'll be out in the world to fend for myself. Can I really do it? Am I really responsible enough? Smart enough? Capable enough? I know that I will be fine and probably successful, but it's still nerve-wracking.
So as I lay in bed I found myself trying to work out how I'm going to pay for everything, how I'm going to spend enough time with people, how I'm going to look for a job and I realized that I should just stop. Worrying is just so silly. And so I came to this resolution: to enjoy the adventure before me and live happily and bravely in the midst of uncertainties. If we could plan everything out perfectly where would God fit in? He wants me to need him. How beautiful it is to know that He wants, actually wants, to take care of me. That is good news.
All gone.
I'm trying to psych myself up enough to finish that darn seminary application. Lately I've not been feeling too motivated to be productive. I think it's because I have other, more exciting things on my mind. Not that going to seminary isn't exciting or anything, I just hate writing up applications. Applications for jobs, for college, for camp, for anything. Me no like. Anyway, I didn't want that little rant to be the focus of this blog.
Several days ago, when I was still at camp, I woke up abruptly at 6am. I was completely exhausted but I couldn't for the life of me fall back asleep. I realized after a few minutes that I was thinking really intensely about the next year of my life. I don't know about the rest of you, but I'm a little freaked. Part of me knows that God's totally got this one and that I'll be fine, but it's scary going out into the real world. Right now my parents still pretty much pay for everything and I am a bit less than self-reliant. And it's like, in a few months I'll be out in the world to fend for myself. Can I really do it? Am I really responsible enough? Smart enough? Capable enough? I know that I will be fine and probably successful, but it's still nerve-wracking.
So as I lay in bed I found myself trying to work out how I'm going to pay for everything, how I'm going to spend enough time with people, how I'm going to look for a job and I realized that I should just stop. Worrying is just so silly. And so I came to this resolution: to enjoy the adventure before me and live happily and bravely in the midst of uncertainties. If we could plan everything out perfectly where would God fit in? He wants me to need him. How beautiful it is to know that He wants, actually wants, to take care of me. That is good news.
All gone.
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Summer Camp
has been such a big part of my life. When I think back over all the years that I've spent up at Long View I can't help but feel so very nostalgic. This year was probably one of the best years ever though. I've been a counselor up there I think four times now. This year for some reason I just felt so much more love and compassion for each camper. Little girls really are just so precious. It's amazing how when you have Jesus' love you can give so much more. God really came through for me so much this year and I think in many ways I just felt more like a grown-up.
However, now that I'm back home and camp is over I am faced with the fact that school begins in less than a month. I feel like I just finished exams. I think I'm in need of some more rest and restoration for my mind and soul. I want to go back motivated and excited but if I had to go back right now I know I wouldn't feel that way. I'm just praying that this year will be the best year yet. I have faith that it will be. How could it not when I'm living in Aldersgate with Kate, Jenelle, and of course my lovely roommate Anna?
I'm not sure if there's any good way to end this blog, so this is it. The End.
However, now that I'm back home and camp is over I am faced with the fact that school begins in less than a month. I feel like I just finished exams. I think I'm in need of some more rest and restoration for my mind and soul. I want to go back motivated and excited but if I had to go back right now I know I wouldn't feel that way. I'm just praying that this year will be the best year yet. I have faith that it will be. How could it not when I'm living in Aldersgate with Kate, Jenelle, and of course my lovely roommate Anna?
I'm not sure if there's any good way to end this blog, so this is it. The End.
Monday, June 28, 2010
My Newest Old Favorite Movie
When I was little I used to watch this movie at least once a week. I haven't seen it since I was about ten but this past week I watched it like six times. It just really warms my heart. It's all about learning how to love.
Jane Wyman, formerly married to the late President Reagan, is in it. She plays a fabulously rich snob who learns to drop her prickly exterior and love. She has the awesomest hats and dresses and I kind of want to be her. So, if you haven't seen this movie, I highly recommend it. If you're sappy like me you'll find it totally adorable.Saturday, June 26, 2010
Thursday, June 24, 2010
I forgot I was white for a sec
when I went into my bedroom and fount these sitting on my bed.
My Dad has been away on business for the past four days and went to Ross. He grabbed these for me and left them on my bed. I laughed pretty hard when I saw them. Sorry Jenelle, I know the ghetto shoe thing is all yours. Let's dress up like gangsters for Halloween. K?
My Dad has been away on business for the past four days and went to Ross. He grabbed these for me and left them on my bed. I laughed pretty hard when I saw them. Sorry Jenelle, I know the ghetto shoe thing is all yours. Let's dress up like gangsters for Halloween. K?
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