Just one more sprint,

All I have this week is one more paper, not even, a half a paper, and one homework assignment. I should have done it already but I'm procrastinating. Actually, I'm pretending it's already summer. These two things really are the least of my worries. Because........

Next week is check-out week.I don't even know what to say about it except that trying to get 25 women to clean their rooms and bathrooms, unloft their beds, confess to any damages, pay fines, and get their little tooshies out the door on time is going to be hard. I'm not sure how much stamina I have left to put up a good fight.

In other news, better news, this weekend is Junior-Senior. I am really looking forward to it. Last weekend was Highbridge, see exhibit b. My beautiful friends :) Especially Kate.

It's these two things that are getting me through until the end. I can't wait until summer when I can bake my body in the sun like a thanksgiving turkey.

Just one more sprint,

Katelyn...

gives good back rubs.

I Love You, Food.

I have a problem. It's an eating problem. I wish I could just exude a little [or a lot] of self-control, but when I try it just makes my infatuation with cereal, ice cream, and doughnuts even worse. I don't want to be too obsessed with food or my body, but it's hard when none of my clothes fit and all the women in movies are so much hotter than me. [bad comparison I know]

What I've tried to do recently [by recently I mean in the last year or two] is to just not think about it. In high school I was super duper anal about my body and literally everything I put in my mouth I felt guilty for. I also spent about 1/3 of my day everyday thinking about how many calories I'd consumed, how much I weighed, etc. It's not that I think I'm fat it's just that I want to be skinnier. BUT WHO CARES.

Right now I care because it's the High Bridge Film Festival this weekend and Jr/Sr the next and all of my dresses are too tight. Shoot. I don't want to think about it because when I do I loose my perspective, my joy, my self-esteem, and the truth is that most people don't notice when I've gained or lost a few pounds.

Point is, I hope the rest of my life I don't worry about things like this. Jesus, set me free.

Round two of honest blogging

I don't know what to write about... again. But I'm going to begin anyway because last time I stumbled upon the inspiration through writing.

So it's Tuesday. That means that I have Microeconomics, KRAM, and Nonprofit (blahhh). I'm ready to be done. I've already gone, really. My brain has been checked out for a while now. It's time for a break. I would really love to live in a simpler way. Not all this striving all the time to get things done. Productivity. Efficiency. Tired. Actually, I was just telling a girl on my hall the other day that I wouldn't mind being Amish. She was like, "uh, do you know what they believe?" Haha... it was a nice thought in the way back part of my head where I idealize things. It's bad but the busyness of our culture makes me want to check out from reality.

Also, I get a little irked whenever I ask anyone how they are and they list all the reasons why they're so freaking busy. I don't even like to hear myself say it. No, I especially don't like to hear myself say it. It's not that I'm really annoyed with that person, it's just dumb that we have to be so crazy. It's like those parents who sign their kids up for 15 different activities every year. I just want to ask them, "are you nuts?!" Kids like just chillin too.

Ok enough of that. I'm really not in the mood to complain. Long story short, I'm ready for summer. Summer is looking hopeful.

I haven't blogged in forever...

This morning I woke up at the ripe time of 6:42 to unalarm the Kresge doors. I know in reality that's not all that early but my body says "no, it is." If it's still dark out doesn't that mean it's still nighttime?

Really, I want to blog, but I have nothing to say. Ok maybe I do. But it's probably not something that readers are interested in. I could say that I'm sick of school, ready for summer, tired of dorm-life, in need of a job... but who really cares. That's the problem with blogging. This is not the Lauren John Show. There is no show in this life called Lauren John... and thank the Good Lord because if there was I'd be really self conscious and therefore unhappy. That's the other problem, I'm self conscious about my blogging. It was better when I had a secret blog. This is all just fluff.

But why, why do I care about what you all think so much? It's dumb but I do. I mean, we're all friends right?

This is the problem, when I write something you might call "deep" I feel like an overemotional crazy person, but when I write shallow things I feel unlike myself and just plain unfunny.

So the solution: I'm not going to write unless I write the truth and I'm not going to write the truth unless I'm perfectly ok with sharing it with all of cyberspace.

But I still have one problem. I want to be ok with sharing everything. Being "transparent" as our Postmodern American Church has dubbed it. Perhaps walking in the light is a better term. Everything visible. Frick, that's hard.

I don't think I'm alone in saying this but, I'm afraid that when people find out who I really am, they won't like it. So, now I feel like telling you all who I really am. Take it or leave it. This is step one in my "transparent blogging." [forgive me if you all already know these things about me]

I am [my heart has just quickened its pace],
1. A woman who really wants to get married sometime in the next 4 years.
2. A person who more than anything loves Jesus and talks to him out loud in my room. If you hear me talking to myself that's what I'm doing.
3. He talks back to me.
4. I am always afraid that if you find out how much I love Jesus that I will again be dubbed an "overemotional crazy person." [even though in my mind I really know that you all wouldn't be so harsh]
5. I'm afraid of any social situation in which I may seem, well, socially incompetent or inept.
6. I am angry at men (my peers mostly) for not being more.
7. I have shoved away too many of my gifts in the name of practicality.
8. I have the hardest time being on time.
9. I don't love to learn about anything that doesn't have to do directly with Jesus.
10. I really wish I were more ok with being uncool.
11. I wish the only thing that controlled me was Jesus Christ.
12. I hate it when people patronize me or criticize me in any way.
13. I really, really love John Eldredge and I think he's right about 97% of things, sue me.
14. I can't wait to have babies.
15. I'm afraid that after reading this blog people will say "that did turn into the Lauren John Show."
16. I am about to be late to my 9 o'clock because this blog got out of hand.