Choose the Regular News

2011-12-20T08:50:00.001-08:00

So here it goes. I haven't written on my blog in months. It feels kind of weird. I have no real agenda today in writing this blog. I'm just doing it in hopes that the unknown mass pressing on my chest will somehow be released. I don't write much but when I do it's usually to figure something out that remains hidden in my mind unless properly channeled.
Post-college life has been really cool. Sometimes I ache for those fun times at asbury, but all-in-all I am very satisfied in paying my own way, working with my hands, and moving along. All that studying started to overwhelm me and bog me down towards the end of last year. Now I feel free and happy and light. It's strange though because I'm not vocationally where I want to be and I'm not making as much money as I'd hoped to, but I have a sense and a peace that I am paving my own way and it's a good feeling. It's the feeling that "I can do it."
And not only that but that God can do it too. Jesus is like woah so awesome. He's like, Lauren trust me because really when have you ever not eaten or slept in a bed or had a roof? In fact, I've always been blessed with way more than that. So anyway, I guess the point is that I'm finally experiencing peace and of you knew any personal details about my life from last year you'd know that's a big deal.
Well, I guess this means I need to start keeping up with this thing again. Maybe I will maybe I won't :)

Everything's changing

2011-06-05T08:58:00.000-07:00

So this morning I planned on going to church but of course I was a sleepy little and just snoozed it and went back to sleep. It was good though because I finally feel caught up on my sleep. Today is the first day here that I've been able to sleep in. There's always been something going on.
Anyway, when I woke up no one was in the house so I had a lot of quiet and was finally able to process the last two weeks. But I really ended up processing the last two months. Lately, especially being here in Spain, it seems like everything in my life is changing or has changed. I'm realizing how comfortable I was in my life. But now my parents are selling the house I grew up in, I'm starting a new job after this, I'm buying a new car, I'm moving into a new apartment in the next few months, I'm separated from my awesome college friends, and I'm starting a whole new chapter. My friends are getting engaged and married. It's so weird. I knew this was coming and I've been really excited for it but now I'm lamenting the comfortable place I've been in since I emerged from the womb. Lol yes emerged from the womb. I guess I could have just said born. Accepting change is rely hard. But I've definitely learned that God is the only constant in your life and that's where I'm putting my faith. Otherwise I'll be a hot mess.
Only ten more days in Spain! Time to capitalize on my time here and look forward to moving on when it's over.

Spain

2011-06-01T12:24:00.001-07:00

Hi friends! If you've been checking my blog I apologize that I haven't been writing. It's sometimes a challenge to have time to write and have access to wifi (pronounced weefee here). But that is all in the past because I'm writing now! First things first, if you're in my family I miss you, if we went to college together I miss you, if you're my boyfriend or my best friend I miss you.
Being in a foreign country is definitely cool. There's so many new and exciting things to see. It's like being reborn. And honestly, I love Spain. The people here are lovely and smart and they dress really well (well a good majority of them anyway). They have beautiful accents and they value family above almost everything else. For being such a big city Sevilla is definitely a community all it's own.
I have to add though that I have never been so out of my element. There literally hasn't been one familiar thing since I walked onto the first plane in Charlotte. So yeah it's been a little uncomfortable, painful even, but really good. I haven't had anyone to rely on but Jesus this whole time and my how he's taught me to trust and receive. And I've learned a lot about myself too. I really am a big girl. I can find my way around a foreign city all by myself. I can speak broken Spanish and achieve exactly what I wanted to. I can make new friends and study hard and pay for stuff and budget my money and be ok. I can reach out to my host family and besides breaking a piece of their dishwasher off, have a fairly good impact on them. I can find my way around airports and train stations and bus stops. Maybe I didn't have enough faith in myself. And maybe to some of you more independent people this all seems really simple but it's things I've never done before. So, all that to say, the loneliness and the challenge have been really good.
Finally, I haven't really had time to post pictures but there's some on Facebook if you're really curious. The problem is that I can't put them on via my iPad and I don't want to drag my computer places. We don't have weefee at my house. But anyway I hope all you lovely people are swell. I'll try to write again soon. Love you all!

The Painful Part of the Journey

2011-01-24T13:33:00.000-08:00

Man, it's been a while since I've blogged. There's been a lot that I wish I could say but that I won't bring myself to write on my blog. The result has been no blogs. I've really been going through a lot of stuff. God's been bringing up so much that I didn't know was there. Heavy bags filled with this and that and lots of deadly things that I didn't know I was carrying around. I'm tired now. But I don't think He's done with me yet. I've heard it described like this: God has to take the bandage off in order to heal the wound, even though it hurts to take the bandage off. We're so used to just sticking a covering over it that we almost forget the cut is there and then one day you realize that the cut was really way bigger than you ever thought and you're debilitated. That is, until the Healer comes. I can feel freedom coming but it's taking a long time. For now, the battle rages on. The longer I fight the more alive I feel and I know that He is my deliverer. There are days when hope is lacking and morale is low, but then there are days when Jesus is so present that I can't remember that I ever was hurt at all. There is always hope, contrary to what we might feel. There are two things that have helped me during this painful time: God is always after your heart and your transformation, and you are not the only one that feels, or has felt, this way. Even Jesus endured suffering, loneliness, shame, and immense sadness. Hebrews 12:2 says, "Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God." Sometimes I don't feel like my faith is being perfected in this pain, but I cannot believe the lie of the enemy that I have taken steps back. Jesus is always propelling me forward, closer to who I was made to be. So, "consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart." Hebrews 12:3

I'm

2010-12-14T11:18:00.000-08:00

DONE.

Reading

2010-12-11T16:16:00.000-08:00

I wish I liked it more. When I was younger I absolutely HATED it, and now I think it's OK but I just would love to be able to get into a story more. I read lots of books that would probably be labeled as "self-help"[even though I more or less despise that term], but novels are a whole different thing. I just can't seem to really get into a story enough to love the process of getting through it.

Also, my least favorite thing when I tell people that I don't really like to read is the response "well you just haven't read the right books yet." OH MY GOSH SHUT YOUR MOUTH. It is humanly possible to not enjoy reading. And I'm a stinking senior in college, I've read plenty of so-called "great works." I don't say that to take away from the fact that they are great works, because they really are. I appreciate them very much when I'm done with them, but the process of getting through them is semi-torturous to me. I've also read several great novels that were not related to school and have loved the stories but hated the reading. It's just the way it is.

In one of his skits Jim Gaffigan says, "I hate it when you see a great movie and you tell someone that you loved it and then they say 'oh but the book was sooo much better.' And then I say 'yeah but you had to sit there and read it.'" That's exactly how I feel. You have to SIT THERE. FOR HOURS.

Anyway, the point of the story is that I want to be one of those people, like my roommate Anna Mozely, who eats up novels like a monkey eats up bananas. It'd be great and I'd probably be so much smarter, but what can you do?

Oh well, I guess that's all I had to say about that. ONLY 14 days until Christmas!!

Psalm 62

2010-11-16T08:14:00.000-08:00

Find rest, O my soul, in God alone;

my hope comes from him.

He alone is my rock and my salvation;

he is my fortress, I will not be shaken.

My salvation and my honor depend on God;

he is my mighty rock, my refuge.

Trust in him at all times, O people;

pour out your hearts to him,

for God is our refuge.

...

One thing God has spoken,

two things have I heard:

that you, O God, are strong,

and that you, O Lord, are loving.

Homecoming

2010-10-31T18:46:00.000-07:00

I had two best friends on homecoming court this year so I thought I'd put some pictures up of the event.
Jenelle in her beautiful zig-zag dress from Street Scene (a really cool vintage consignment store in Lexington). Just look at those legs!

And Kindra looking totally chic in her black dress. I just love these girls!

Now for the nostalgia. This, being my last semester of college, is very sad. Exciting, hopeful even, but sad. I will never have this time back and we will never all be together in this context again [at least until heaven]. So here's some more photos of the people I will never forget. Maybe it's too soon for a goodbye blog... this is just a preview. There will be a for real one later.

Procrastination

2010-10-27T16:30:00.000-07:00

It'll getcha. I'm at Main & Maple with Kate right now NOT writing my Spanish paper. I mean I would, but I have no idea what it's supposed to be about. When a teacher says, "write me a paper on La vida es sueño. It can be about anything" I find myself at a loss. Too much independence. Too much choice. Which leads me to a perfect blog topic. How dandy!

Making choices. I think that if we were all honest we'd rather have God just spell everything out for us (as far as what to do next in decision making) than we would want to wait, not knowing what to do. Human beings like being in control. It's funny how oppositely God works. He's like, nope, let me be in control. And we're like, but holy cow you're an invisible being that is unpredictable and hard to understand. It's easier to say, "it's in God's hands." Than it is to say, "God is changing me and giving me wisdom about what to do." Now I'm not saying that it isn't in God's hands, because it is, but I am saying that sometimes it just seems hard to hear from God about decision-making.

In all my recent decisions I haven't really heard one way or another about what I'm supposed to do. I have basically decided not to come back to Asbury in the spring and to go to Spain in the summer to finish up. I think it's the right thing. I'm still planning on going to seminary in the fall and hopefully get a job with benefits. I have plans. But I really haven't heard exactly one way or another on them from Jesus. I know Jesus wants me to be a counselor, but as far as when to go to school, or where, I'm not certain.

So I'm left to think that He's teaching me to listen more closely to Him, to be more flexible, and/or to learn to make my own decisions wisely. I think He wants His children to be independent in the sense that we gain wisdom and insight into how to live life. Maybe sometimes there is just more than one right option.

I guess what it comes down to is that I am a good person with a good heart (yes, this is a theological discussion about whether or not people are good, but Jesus lives in me so I'ma say I'm good. Sue me.) and I don't want to mess up. I especially don't want to have to deal with the consequences of doing my own thing and not God's. But at the end of the day it's wonderful because I can rest knowing that God's grace is covering me and that "He works all things together for the good of those who love him."

*Disclaimer* I apologize for all the "decision" blogs. It's where my thoughts have been drifting. If you want to hear about something better ask me about my fall break.

Decisions decisions...

2010-10-16T17:16:00.000-07:00

Hey guys, I'm back. It'd be cool if I had the excuse that I've just been soooo busy and my life is so exciting that I haven't had time to blog but that is not the case. I just haven't felt like it. So here I am again, ready to share some thoughts. Blogging just cannot be forced.

Lately I've been having an internal [I don't want to say struggle but...] struggle. Not really a struggle, but kind of. Up until this point in my life the decisions I've had to make have been, in hindsight, quite trivial. In high school it seemed like a really big deal deciding who to go to prom with, what electives to take, who to hang out with on my Friday nights, and what earrings to wear on any given day. But now.... NOW.... I'm a grown up. All of a sudden I'm realizing how important my decisions are.

Am I coming back to Asbury next semester? [For those of you who are uninformed, I'm thinking about studying in Spain in the summer to meet my graduation requirements, not dropping out ;)]
Should I go to seminary next fall?
Should I start looking for a full-time job?
Should I open my own separate bank account? [Yes. The answer to this one is yes.]
Should I think about moving somewhere far away?
What does God want me to do?

I'm not saying that these decisions are somehow stressing me out because I'm afraid that I'm not gonna make it, but as I get older I realize that God is giving me more responsibility. And in all these decisions, how is it actually that God would have me live and bring his kingdom on earth. I've always said that I don't want to do missions, but would I if I were totally free? Perhaps, perhaps not.

I don't know if I'm making sense. All these thoughts have been so abstract for weeks so I don't know if any of this is coherent.

Anyhow, back to my point. Lately I've been given a very acute sense of how important my role here on earth is. Don't get me wrong, I don't want to sound too self-important, but I know that God made me, me for a reason and I can either grow in to a more full, whole version of myself, or I can become a terrible, miserable wretch. I chose option A.

Sometimes I just look around at all the Saints that are running off to China to help the Persecuted Church and I think, "is my calling even legitimate?" I want very much to be a counselor. I love seeing people become free in Christ, but so far it's required very little risk [with the exception of money]. I think to myself, "did I just get fortunate enough to be called to that and not to risking my life?" I so much cannot resonate with ever wanting to move to China or Africa or even a Latin American country that I'm afraid my calling is almost "too good to be true." Could it be that God really wants to satisfy my desires?

"who satisfies your desires with good things
so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's. "

Yes Lauren, the answer to that question is yes. GET IT IN YOUR BRAIN.

Lately I've been feeling a little guilty for my life and I wonder if God isn't asking me to do more. "Feed my sheep." But then I tell myself, in the words of Kate Brannen, "God doesn't motivate with guilt. He motivates with love." And I am comforted... for a moment. I suppose it's false guilt for living the awesome life that I have. In writing this blog I'm beginning to realize that It's probably just the enemy trying to distract me from my calling. He loves to do that bull-honkey. If writing this blog is what it took to make me realize that, then great. The truth is, I just don't want to be a couch potato in the middle of a fierce battle of life and death. Holy cow, the universe is nuts.

A New Discovery

2010-09-18T10:35:00.000-07:00

Recently I was listening to my "Keith and Kristyn Getty" station on Pandora and stumbled upon this guy,

David Nevue is a Christian pianist that composes his own music as well as re-writes hymns. I think his music is beautiful and I just can't stop listening to it. Maybe you guys will like it too!

3 New Infatuations:

2010-09-14T13:43:00.000-07:00

1. One a Day women's daily vitamins.
Let me tell you what, these things are amazing. They've got so much stuff in them I wonder a) if I'm ever going to die now that I'm taking them, and b) if I even need to eat anymore.
2. Freeze Pops
The delicious, low-cal snack. I know you're mad that you didn't know about the 25 Cal Fro Po's.

3. All things NIKE
Because everything they do is perfect.

Today I hopped a fence

2010-08-28T11:33:00.000-07:00

in order to get to this beautiful garden of sunflowers. I'm sorry R.J. Corman for trespassing on your private property, but we just had to. These flowers were meant to be photographed.

Busy Bees.

Marie-Claire and Anna

Roomie Love Me and Marie-Claire

Mmm yes.
Anna and her cute red pants.
I love that I love my roommate.

New Beginnings

2010-08-23T19:49:00.000-07:00

Dr. Charlambakis has said on numerous occasions that if you are a Christian there are, for you, no endings, only new beginnings. As I begin my senior year I can only describe the present season of my life as characterized by new beginnings. A few weeks ago I wrote down in my journal all of my new beginnings.

"It is august and as I look into the next months of my life I see a new school year, new boyfriend, new apartment, new living companions, new classes, new jobs, and new hopes for the future."

New hopes. That's it, new beginnings means new hopes. It's similar to viewing the glass as half empty or half full. Do I see my life as a bunch of endings; ongoing movements away from people I love or have loved? Or do I see it as a constant strain of new beginnings? I do want to have hope, so I am choosing the latter option.

Just a little epiphany but there's your food for thought.

I'm blogging at starbucks again

2010-08-11T11:24:00.000-07:00

So I'm sitting at a bar counter thing and the Baristas are talking about something that is causing me abdominal pain. Not because it's gross but because I need to laugh.

Barista numero uno: "So I know it's really soon but have you thought about getting another cat?"

Barista numero dos: "No not really. I don't think I can find another cat to replace her."

Barista numero uno: [shaking head] "Yeah that's just so hard."

Barista numero dos: "Yeah but it's character building, you know? I can say I've been there, done that. It comes with the territory of owning an animal."

Barista numero uno: [still shaking head] "Yeah I understand. I just can't imagine that. I've thought about what I'm going to do when my dogs die. I just don't know if I can replace them right away or not."

Barista numero dos: "I have had friends who've done both. Sometimes it's a good distraction when you do get a new one."

I think that was the end of the conversation. I'm sorry to all you animal lovers... I know I'm insensitive.

On another note, it's Jackie Marie's 21st birthday today! Happy birthday best friend!! I love you a thousand loves.

Procrastination

2010-07-29T14:45:00.001-07:00

Right now I am sitting outside of Starbucks by a lovely fountain drinking a really delicious beverage.

I'm trying to psych myself up enough to finish that darn seminary application. Lately I've not been feeling too motivated to be productive. I think it's because I have other, more exciting things on my mind. Not that going to seminary isn't exciting or anything, I just hate writing up applications. Applications for jobs, for college, for camp, for anything. Me no like. Anyway, I didn't want that little rant to be the focus of this blog.

Several days ago, when I was still at camp, I woke up abruptly at 6am. I was completely exhausted but I couldn't for the life of me fall back asleep. I realized after a few minutes that I was thinking really intensely about the next year of my life. I don't know about the rest of you, but I'm a little freaked. Part of me knows that God's totally got this one and that I'll be fine, but it's scary going out into the real world. Right now my parents still pretty much pay for everything and I am a bit less than self-reliant. And it's like, in a few months I'll be out in the world to fend for myself. Can I really do it? Am I really responsible enough? Smart enough? Capable enough? I know that I will be fine and probably successful, but it's still nerve-wracking.

So as I lay in bed I found myself trying to work out how I'm going to pay for everything, how I'm going to spend enough time with people, how I'm going to look for a job and I realized that I should just stop. Worrying is just so silly. And so I came to this resolution: to enjoy the adventure before me and live happily and bravely in the midst of uncertainties. If we could plan everything out perfectly where would God fit in? He wants me to need him. How beautiful it is to know that He wants, actually wants, to take care of me. That is good news.

All gone.

Summer Camp

2010-07-27T19:19:00.000-07:00

has been such a big part of my life. When I think back over all the years that I've spent up at Long View I can't help but feel so very nostalgic. This year was probably one of the best years ever though. I've been a counselor up there I think four times now. This year for some reason I just felt so much more love and compassion for each camper. Little girls really are just so precious. It's amazing how when you have Jesus' love you can give so much more. God really came through for me so much this year and I think in many ways I just felt more like a grown-up.

However, now that I'm back home and camp is over I am faced with the fact that school begins in less than a month. I feel like I just finished exams. I think I'm in need of some more rest and restoration for my mind and soul. I want to go back motivated and excited but if I had to go back right now I know I wouldn't feel that way. I'm just praying that this year will be the best year yet. I have faith that it will be. How could it not when I'm living in Aldersgate with Kate, Jenelle, and of course my lovely roommate Anna?

I'm not sure if there's any good way to end this blog, so this is it. The End.

My Newest Old Favorite Movie

2010-06-28T21:15:00.002-07:00

When I was little I used to watch this movie at least once a week. I haven't seen it since I was about ten but this past week I watched it like six times. It just really warms my heart. It's all about learning how to love.
Jane Wyman, formerly married to the late President Reagan, is in it. She plays a fabulously rich snob who learns to drop her prickly exterior and love. She has the awesomest hats and dresses and I kind of want to be her. So, if you haven't seen this movie, I highly recommend it. If you're sappy like me you'll find it totally adorable.

A New Funny Vid for Your Enjoyment

2010-06-26T19:39:00.001-07:00

Dad Life from Church on the Move on Vimeo.

I forgot I was white for a sec

2010-06-24T17:34:00.001-07:00

when I went into my bedroom and fount these sitting on my bed.
My Dad has been away on business for the past four days and went to Ross. He grabbed these for me and left them on my bed. I laughed pretty hard when I saw them. Sorry Jenelle, I know the ghetto shoe thing is all yours. Let's dress up like gangsters for Halloween. K?

Look how cute Dave Barnes is

2010-06-03T19:48:00.000-07:00

Blind Date

2010-06-02T21:06:00.001-07:00

Well, it was just OK. He was a decent conversationalist but he didn't really ask me any questions. I had to pretty much carry on the convo. And I wasn't attracted to him. That's the problem with other people trying to set you up... they just don't know what your type is. But that's OK. I didn't expect anything to happen. Frankly, I'm glad it's over because blind dates are really stressful. So much could go wrong. But, I was actually kind of surprised that a half-German, half-French kid was so normal to me.

Anywhoooo, that's that. So since I've been home and jobless I've had a lot of time to think and I don't think I'm going to come back to Asbury next semester. Just kidding! What I've really been thinking about is everything I want. Gosh, I want so much. Not stuff, just things. Human beings have such ravenous desires that it's incredibly hard to contain them. And it's not really a good thing if we do contain them. Desires are in us because they are meant to be realized. But why is life so silly. It seems like everything that strikes at our deepest core is either unattainable or thwarted in some way. We just want to be loved, to have a grand time, to not be bored, to have meaningful friendships, to have a good job that we enjoy, to have kids, good kids, to be the apple of somebody's eye, to go on an exciting excursion in some far-away place... I could go on. While I would say that I am blessed enough to have many of these things there is always a deeper something that wants more. Right now I feel like I'm just waiting for the next stage of my life, but aren't we supposed to be present to the moment we are in right now? I think so. So what is my purpose? How am I going to be used this summer by God? I don't know because right now I'm sitting on my butt writing this blog; aka doing nothing. But maybe that's what God's after... a good thought process that will lead to another thought process that will lead to life and freedom... those wonderful gifts that He lets loose on us when we trust Him.

I guess that's all I have for now. Keep it real kiddos.

The Life of the Unemployed

2010-05-27T19:52:00.000-07:00

Well, we're about three weeks into the summer [I think] and I am still without work. I've been waiting for a couple of weeks to hear back about a job with someone I babysit for, but so far nothing. The company I would be working for is called The Nexxus Group. I don't want to take the time to explain what they do because that would bore both me and you. But actually I think it would be a pretty cool job so I hope I get it. It sounds like if they want to spend the money on me I got it. But who knows. They're being kind of flakey at the moment.

While being unemployed, however, I have been able to rest a lot and do some fun things. The week of my birthday I went down to Charleston, SC for two days and hung out with my brother and his in-laws. It was so fun. I got to surf [if you can call it that] and get a sweet tan. Now my skin finally matches the color of my make-up. Hooray!

I've also been doing some reading, most of which is not on that original list that I related to you all. I started Dear John by Nicholas Sparks [my first Sparks book] and I read a couple of chapters in A Grief Observed by C.S. Lewis, which, to be honest, I didn't really like. I know that's a sin for any Asburian to criticize Lewis, but I just didn't think it was that spectacular. Just depressing, which is fine because he was going through immense suffering when he wrote this piece, I just didn't find it particularly helpful. But I don't think it was intended to be. He's a brilliant thinker, but I was mildly discouraged after reading this work.

Also in my free time I've been going to the gym a whole bunch. Me and the YMCA are like this. I've been spending around an hour and a half there everyday this week. It's strange because I usually hate working out, but I've been quite enjoying it. And seriously, there are some pretty attractive college-aged men there in the middle of the day in the summer. Who knew?

Yesterday, I babysat for the same family three separate times.

I've gone shopping six times since I've been home.

I'm going to a surprise birthday party on Saturday for my friend. She's turning 40. Who am I?

Finally, I've somehow managed to scrounge up a blind date for Sunday afternoon. The woman I babysit for, Robyn, insisted that I go out with this German kid from Munich who's living in her neighborhood for the summer. I said, sure, why not? He seems super nice so we'll see. Anybody know anything about German culture? Any taboos I should be aware of? He's into Architecture, he speaks three languages, and he's driven across the US so I think he might be an interesting person to get to know. Oh and he also apparently refers to me as 'LJ' behind my back. But for real, I'm kind of scared to go out with a European. Hopefully I won't behave too sillily.

Sorry if this blog was boring... the point is that after all that I feel like a bum and I wish I had a job so that I would know that I am contributing to my family and my education. I need money for next year and watching my parents go to work bright and early everyday is making me feel like I should be doing the same. I know they don't feel like I'm a burden but you know how it is...

I just filled out an application for...

2010-05-24T20:35:00.000-07:00

The Bachelor. But um crap. Should I send it in or not? I think I would crap my pants if I actually got on the show. Like literally. I don't want to be famous and I don't want 1million people looking at me... but it sounds kind of fun because that show is so awesome and funny. Shoot. I'm being an indecisive girl. What do you all think? I probably won't get it anyway so who cares.... but I want your input.

20 to 21

2010-05-17T09:40:00.000-07:00

Today is May 17. That means that it is my last day of being 20. Every year my dad says something to this effect, "only 2 more days of being x age," and every year it makes me anxious. Why so scared of time? Tomorrow I will be 21 and there's nothing I can do about it. I think that's why time is so scary. Besides death and taxes it's one thing that we have absolutely zero control over. It's funny that we try to control so much of our lives when in the end we really end up being completely out of control. Another reason why we need God so much.

Anyway, I'm looking forward to 21. If I didn't have any concern about time slipping through my fingers I would be way pumped to turn 21. It just sounds better than 20. But it's also sad because I will graduate college when I turn 22, which means that one year from now I will be officially done with my schooling (at least for now) and will be out in the work force paying bills and loads of taxes. Emotionally, mentally, physically, metaphysically, existentially, cognitively I need to prep myself for paying taxes because I know I'm going to loathe it. Oh goodness, where is this blog going?

Point of the story, I'm turing twenty-one tomorrow and I'm starting to feel like a real adult. So here's a picture of where I am right now and who I'm with which has nothing to do with this blog but I want to put a picture. I guess it's a photo of my last day of 20.

My Summer Reading List

2010-05-16T12:18:00.000-07:00

Every summer I have high aspirations for my reading list. I usually think I can read about five books, which is definitely possible for your avid reader, but I'm lazy. I usually only get through a half a book because there always seem to be better things to do than read.
My list this year includes some books that I've started, some that I'm reading again, and some that I've heard are good and want to try. Here they are:
1. Crazy Love by Francis Chan
2. The Great Divorce by C.S. Lewis
3. A Generous Orthodoxy by Brian McLaren
4. As Sure as the Dawn by Francine Rivers
5. East of Eden by John Steinbeck
6. The Same Kind of Different As Me by Ron Hall and Denver Moore

I'm looking forward to trying real hard to finish these. Have any of you read them? What did you think?

My Dear Sweet Blog,

2010-05-06T21:38:00.000-07:00

I wish I had time to write on you. Exams being over and everything you'd think I would. But just know that my love for you hasn't changed. I will write you some pretty words just as soon as I can.
Love,
Lauren

Dear Finals,

2010-05-02T22:30:00.001-07:00

I hate you and so does everybody else.
Love,
Lauren

Just one more sprint,

2010-04-28T06:33:00.001-07:00

All I have this week is one more paper, not even, a half a paper, and one homework assignment. I should have done it already but I'm procrastinating. Actually, I'm pretending it's already summer. These two things really are the least of my worries. Because........

Next week is check-out week.I don't even know what to say about it except that trying to get 25 women to clean their rooms and bathrooms, unloft their beds, confess to any damages, pay fines, and get their little tooshies out the door on time is going to be hard. I'm not sure how much stamina I have left to put up a good fight.

In other news, better news, this weekend is Junior-Senior. I am really looking forward to it. Last weekend was Highbridge, see exhibit b. My beautiful friends :) Especially Kate.

It's these two things that are getting me through until the end. I can't wait until summer when I can bake my body in the sun like a thanksgiving turkey.

Just one more sprint,

2010-04-28T06:33:00.000-07:00

Katelyn...

2010-04-25T19:52:00.000-07:00

gives good back rubs.

I Love You, Food.

2010-04-21T06:15:00.000-07:00

I have a problem. It's an eating problem. I wish I could just exude a little [or a lot] of self-control, but when I try it just makes my infatuation with cereal, ice cream, and doughnuts even worse. I don't want to be too obsessed with food or my body, but it's hard when none of my clothes fit and all the women in movies are so much hotter than me. [bad comparison I know]

What I've tried to do recently [by recently I mean in the last year or two] is to just not think about it. In high school I was super duper anal about my body and literally everything I put in my mouth I felt guilty for. I also spent about 1/3 of my day everyday thinking about how many calories I'd consumed, how much I weighed, etc. It's not that I think I'm fat it's just that I want to be skinnier. BUT WHO CARES.

Right now I care because it's the High Bridge Film Festival this weekend and Jr/Sr the next and all of my dresses are too tight. Shoot. I don't want to think about it because when I do I loose my perspective, my joy, my self-esteem, and the truth is that most people don't notice when I've gained or lost a few pounds.

Point is, I hope the rest of my life I don't worry about things like this. Jesus, set me free.

Round two of honest blogging

2010-04-20T05:28:00.001-07:00

I don't know what to write about... again. But I'm going to begin anyway because last time I stumbled upon the inspiration through writing.

So it's Tuesday. That means that I have Microeconomics, KRAM, and Nonprofit (blahhh). I'm ready to be done. I've already gone, really. My brain has been checked out for a while now. It's time for a break. I would really love to live in a simpler way. Not all this striving all the time to get things done. Productivity. Efficiency. Tired. Actually, I was just telling a girl on my hall the other day that I wouldn't mind being Amish. She was like, "uh, do you know what they believe?" Haha... it was a nice thought in the way back part of my head where I idealize things. It's bad but the busyness of our culture makes me want to check out from reality.

Also, I get a little irked whenever I ask anyone how they are and they list all the reasons why they're so freaking busy. I don't even like to hear myself say it. No, I especially don't like to hear myself say it. It's not that I'm really annoyed with that person, it's just dumb that we have to be so crazy. It's like those parents who sign their kids up for 15 different activities every year. I just want to ask them, "are you nuts?!" Kids like just chillin too.

Ok enough of that. I'm really not in the mood to complain. Long story short, I'm ready for summer. Summer is looking hopeful.

I haven't blogged in forever...

2010-04-14T04:56:00.000-07:00

This morning I woke up at the ripe time of 6:42 to unalarm the Kresge doors. I know in reality that's not all that early but my body says "no, it is." If it's still dark out doesn't that mean it's still nighttime?

Really, I want to blog, but I have nothing to say. Ok maybe I do. But it's probably not something that readers are interested in. I could say that I'm sick of school, ready for summer, tired of dorm-life, in need of a job... but who really cares. That's the problem with blogging. This is not the Lauren John Show. There is no show in this life called Lauren John... and thank the Good Lord because if there was I'd be really self conscious and therefore unhappy. That's the other problem, I'm self conscious about my blogging. It was better when I had a secret blog. This is all just fluff.

But why, why do I care about what you all think so much? It's dumb but I do. I mean, we're all friends right?

This is the problem, when I write something you might call "deep" I feel like an overemotional crazy person, but when I write shallow things I feel unlike myself and just plain unfunny.

So the solution: I'm not going to write unless I write the truth and I'm not going to write the truth unless I'm perfectly ok with sharing it with all of cyberspace.

But I still have one problem. I want to be ok with sharing everything. Being "transparent" as our Postmodern American Church has dubbed it. Perhaps walking in the light is a better term. Everything visible. Frick, that's hard.

I don't think I'm alone in saying this but, I'm afraid that when people find out who I really am, they won't like it. So, now I feel like telling you all who I really am. Take it or leave it. This is step one in my "transparent blogging." [forgive me if you all already know these things about me]

I am [my heart has just quickened its pace],
1. A woman who really wants to get married sometime in the next 4 years.
2. A person who more than anything loves Jesus and talks to him out loud in my room. If you hear me talking to myself that's what I'm doing.
3. He talks back to me.
4. I am always afraid that if you find out how much I love Jesus that I will again be dubbed an "overemotional crazy person." [even though in my mind I really know that you all wouldn't be so harsh]
5. I'm afraid of any social situation in which I may seem, well, socially incompetent or inept.
6. I am angry at men (my peers mostly) for not being more.
7. I have shoved away too many of my gifts in the name of practicality.
8. I have the hardest time being on time.
9. I don't love to learn about anything that doesn't have to do directly with Jesus.
10. I really wish I were more ok with being uncool.
11. I wish the only thing that controlled me was Jesus Christ.
12. I hate it when people patronize me or criticize me in any way.
13. I really, really love John Eldredge and I think he's right about 97% of things, sue me.
14. I can't wait to have babies.
15. I'm afraid that after reading this blog people will say "that did turn into the Lauren John Show."
16. I am about to be late to my 9 o'clock because this blog got out of hand.

AC to AU

2010-03-05T16:40:00.000-08:00

Welp. Today was the day. Of all days in Asbury's history. We have officially become Asbury University [academic excellence & spiritual vitality]. I feel like I may have just witnessed the most epic event of my life. And I don't use that term lightly. Contrary to some rather alarming opinions, I believe this switch has been rather advantageous in the life of our school. I will highlight some advantages.
1) When we say Asbury University and people don't know what we are talking about, they will immediately know that it's a legitimate institution and not make that fake smile that says "you dumb a**. Should've gone to a state school."
2) When employers read our resumes and don't know what AU is they will be more ok with that than if it still said AC.
3) People from foreign countries won't think I go to a prep school. They'll know it's the real deal.
4) We have the opportunity to come back and get a master's in, say, social work. Not that I would ever do that since it costs 90 bagillion green backs.
6) And finally, maybe the cafeteria will be inspired by the name change to also change some minor details in the caf [I'm not too much of a caf-hater but I would like some more fruit options and better pizza].

I'm glad I got the chance to document this momentous day.

Dear World,

2010-02-23T20:52:00.000-08:00

Why can't you be more like this?

I'm sorta getting tired of this,And I'd really like to wear one of these,

Oh me, Oh my

2010-02-11T09:45:00.000-08:00

2 days ago I went to the mall. Upon my entrance into aerie I discovered a sweet little floral bikini. Now, normally I don't wear bikinis but it was so cute I had to try it on. So I proceeded to walk into the dressing room... put this on... and walk out to see if there was a better mirror. Unfortunately the door behind me closed and locked.

Now. I was out in the open, wearing very little, and no one was there to let me back in my room. So what did I do, you ask? I lept on the floor and army crawled it backwards underneath the door, which, I might add, was only about 10 inches above the floor. It was quite a challenge.

Fortunately I was able to squeeze [just barely] into the room without anyone seeing me. Then I laughed pretty hard.

Oh and I liked the bathing suit but I didn't buy it. $55 is not worth it.

Alotta weekend in a little time...

2010-02-07T19:32:00.000-08:00

Friday. Skip my last class. Start on a paper. Nap. Dear John [it was ok]. Fight about dinner. Go to dinner. Black light dance party. Sleep sleep sleep. It's Saturday. Wake up. Quiet time. Saturday night Church at Southland. Eat delicious dinner at Ryan's. Play monopoly. Start studying for Monday's accounting test. Go to sleep. Wake up. Waffle party for Katelyn's going away. Study Study Study. Pilates. Dinner at the caf [not my highlight]. Study some more. Super bowl party at Ryan's. Colts lose. Write blog. Probably study some more.

All in all I'd say it was a great weekend. [minus the overeating]

Exhausted

2010-02-05T10:22:00.000-08:00

It's finally Friday. I am so thankful. I really don't want to just wish away my college years waiting around for the weekends, but the weekdays are so utterly tiring. I think I need to learn better time management. But I think time management may be the most difficult thing ever. I feel like it's always a race against the clock. Can we all just chill out for 2 seconds? Our culture is so busy.
Lately I've been finding myself wishing that things were like how they used to be back in the days of one-roomed school houses, small towns, innocent fun and games, and no electronics. [that is a little ironic since I'm writing a blog] But you guys know what I mean. Maybe I should just start journaling more...

Well, it's time to face the truth. I have to write a paper.

Probs.

2010-02-02T21:05:00.000-08:00

I know what you're thinking. It's dumb that this is my 4th or so blog header since creating this blog less than a year ago, but there's a reason.

Actually there's not, but every time I'm dissatisfied with current circumstances I make a new one. It's just habitual.

Today I was pissed. I always feel so dumb at accounting and I'm over it. So that's why I made 4 headers today. I guess I've settled on this cutesie little bird one for now but it might change in a couple of days. Maybe not though because I'm planning on digging up a big hunk of satisfaction.

Welp, right now I'm sitting on Marie and DJ's bed (big bed) and they want to go to sleep. So I guess this is goodbye.

Three Infatuations

2010-02-02T07:52:00.000-08:00

#1.
I love this show. It's funny when it's not supposed to be and highly entertaining.
Thank you ABC.

#2.

#3. Wedding Blogs

A Beautiful Sight

2010-01-07T14:46:00.000-08:00

I didn't have the guts to put this as my profile picture so I wanted to share it with you all on my blog. Enjoy!

"Forgiveness, it's more than sayin' sorry"

2009-12-27T12:10:00.000-08:00

God has been teaching me about forgiveness. It's something that generally seems really difficult. However, what I've learned is that the more you do it the easier it gets. And it sets us free from the terrible effects of an unforgiving heart. It doesn't matter if the other person feels sorry for their actions or not. Forgiveness is so freeing.

This morning I read a print-out on forgiveness and it really opened up my eyes to the fact that I may be holding unforgiveness in my heart from 5, 10, maybe even 15 years ago. I'm pretty sure it's effected me a lot in my life. So I'm working on going through the list of people that I need to forgive and forgiving them so that I can be free of the wounds they inflicted on me. It's a good thing...

In other news, I'm sitting in Panera drinking my favorite Hazelnut coffee and soaking in the alone time. I just bought Brooke Fraser's album, "Albertine" and Ben Rector's, "Twenty Tomorrow." It's good stuff... I'd recommend both for anyone who's looking for some good tunes.

I guess that's all I have to say for now. I hope everyone's enjoying their Christmas break.

I'm all over the place...

2009-12-18T20:53:00.000-08:00

Sometimes when I pray I feel like I'm talking to a wall. And sometimes when I think I hear from God I doubt it. So much of the time my prayers are filled with all sorts of striving and desperation that I'm just certain God is telling me to chill out. But then, a few minutes or hours or days later I get an answer and I know that what he told me was real and that what I asked for he honored. It's ridiculous how he can prove himself to me over and over again and yet I still lose faith and give up heart in his abilities to care for me.

Thank God He is gracious. I'm learning and I guess that's all I can expect of myself.

So it's Christmastime, as we all know. And I'm home. Again. Just like you all. I love being home because it is such a relief. School can be so dramatic, so taxing. And getting up everyday to a middle-aged man talking about t-accounts isn't the most invigorating thing. During this time of year I get many, many hours with some of my most favorite people in the world. It's a safe-zone. School is great, don't get me wrong, but when I'm home I have practically no worries.

Right now I am most thankful not to have to think. I don't have to do work or try to figure out Ho and Ha and t* and tcritical and all that stats crap. It's more than wonderful. I just finished an awesome book and I just started Pride and Prejudice. I love it already. Thanks Marie.

So, I guess that's all. I hope everyone is loving their Christmas break.

Exams, Christmas, College, etc.

2009-12-15T12:50:00.000-08:00

It is the middle of exam week. Thankfully, my grades aren't going to suck as bad as I thought they were going to. In two days I am going home for Christmas and I cannot wait. Its time for this semester to end and a new chapter to begin.

As Christmas approaches I am thinking more seriously about how to celebrate. When I was younger I didn't think much at all about the season of Advent but this year I want it to mean more. I want the faith aspect of Christmas to be more prominent than the gifts part. As I get older I feel like there's less that I want and need than I used to anyway. During this time I just want to remember Jesus, as he was, not my image of him, but as he really was. And hopefully it will carry over to next year and the next and so on.

Each semester of college is so different. When I think back over each semester that I've been here it's amazing how many things have happened and changed, and how many people I've met and unmet. Many people that I used to hang out with often I don't even say hi to anymore. It's so strange how things change so quickly. It makes me wonder what next semester will bring. Who will I meet? Who will we hang out with? What will it be like now that Marie is not returning? Some semesters have been awesome and some have been a nightmare. It makes me uneasy about what to expect.

"But those who trust in the Lord will renew their strength..." Isaiah 40:31

I've never seen a cooler Asbury

2009-12-04T08:06:00.000-08:00

Today is Sexy Friday. Thanks to DJ and Marie, we now have a holiday every week. And everyone looks super hot. Taylor and Taylor in their houndstooth coats. Holland in his tailored suit. Adam in his argyle sweater. DJ in her teal chucks and "effing short" dress. Marie in her lovely Gap Sweater. Kate in her cute pea coat. And me in my sweater dress (thanks Chap).

Today also was student chapel, which started out with our Chapel band tearing it up playing "Love is a Battlefield." It rocked. Thank you Pat Benatar.

Then, my dear friend, Miss Anna Rimelspach spoke and it was beautiful.

Now I'm sitting in my intermediate accounting class, which, to be honest, is not so cool. But It's still a good day.

Plus, Jesus still loves me.

Happy Friday!

On Desire and Fear... from an old blog I wrote...

2009-11-25T19:20:00.000-08:00

"As I try to write, something I am not so accustomed to doing, I wonder if there will ever be words enough to express the desire within me. In being pursued, I find desires awakened that I had forgotten about. In some senses I am very much afraid of them. It seems that the life that He promises us has too often been interrupted by hurt and pain, so much so that we forget about the life, our hearts, our desires, so as not to be a victim of the worlds vile schemes. I hate that. I hate that the things that were meant to give us life often result in the most pain. But then I think, "who would we be without pain?" We would never know the healing words and actions of our lover, Jesus Christ. I know that it is only because of Christ that I am able to let myself be sought after again, and so I propose that I am fortunate to have felt the pain I did and experienced the love of Christ in its midst. Fear should never stop us from loving, talking, sharing, praying or anything that Jesus desires us to take part in. I want life and I am afraid. So do I let that fear cripple me, or do I hand it over to the only One who can truly handle it. Of course the latter, however difficult it may be at times."

I was compelled to share this on my current blog because I think it's the most real thing I've ever written.

I had forgotten about it but when I went back and read it I realized how much of what I was writing was still holding me. Fear is so crippling still. And it's sin. In being fearful I've admitted that God cannot take care of me. I wish I didn't fear anything.

Fearless Class 2011 lololol.

We live in a fairy tale...

2009-11-18T10:24:00.000-08:00

I've been thinking about this. If you take a step back and really look at our world it's just like a fairy tale. There are shires, magical wardrobes, mountain ranges, castles, Ireland... you get the idea. We have colors, dimensions, sunrises, sunsets, flying creatures, swiftly-moving beasts, air, flowers, intricate details. And a vast expanse of sky; stars and galaxies unknown. Maybe God gave us the sky just so we'd imagine. I think we've gotten too used to this magical place. I mean, come on, fire flies? Really? Bugs that light up and play with kids?

And as in all fairy tales, the beauty of this place is stripped by "the dark side," "the fires of mount doom," "the wicked witch of the west."

Long story short, satan sucks and so does anthrax.

Study Break

2009-11-10T13:34:00.000-08:00

I've been doing homework literally all day. I woke up at 6:30 to finish a paper then I went to class and since then [with the exception of lunch] I have been doing homework. Also, I have a four tests in the next 5 class days. Ouch. Good one professors.

The good news is cross country is over. Yes!

What Dessert Adjective Are You?

2009-10-07T17:16:00.000-07:00

This is the question of the hour ladies and gentleman.
And boy do I have the answers!

Katelyn Nichols - sweet and zingy
i.e. lemon meringue pie

Sarah Werner - classic and delicious
i.e. apple pie

Taylor Brantner - creamy and smooth
i.e. dolce tarimisu

Marie-Claire DeJarnett - Crispy yet warm and sweet
i.e. Crème brulée

Dorothy Jean Ennis - Fluffy and curbs your sweet tooth
i.e. Cup Cake

Lauren John - Lighthearted yet firm
i.e. chocolate mousee

Kate Brannen - Appetizing and Multifaceted
i.e. Strawberry short cake

Jenelle McClean - Spontaneous and Luscious
i.e. Chocolate Milk Shake

If I was getting married right now

2009-09-28T11:40:00.000-07:00

I would be wearing this J.Crew Wedding Gown

I'd be marrying this man in this suit

My brides maids would be wearing these dresses

I'd be getting married in this location

And then me and Prince Charming up there in the sexy suit would ride off into the sunset on a stallion named Alfred.

Oatmeal

2009-09-23T20:49:00.000-07:00

and macroeconomics papers.

This is what I'm doing right now

2009-09-09T06:26:00.000-07:00

p. 87 1. BEP = FC / CM %
#24 CM% = FC / BEP
CM % = 600,000/1,500,000 = 40%

2. CM% = SPu - VCu/Sp
.40 = SP - $15/SP SP .40 = SP - $15 = 15/6 = 2.5

3. Budget - breakeven = MOS
$1,500,000 / 25 60,000 units
80,000 units
MOS 20,000 units
1,500,000
2,000,000
$500,000
p.87 Operating Leverage
#25 $500Q - $350Q = 5,000
1) $150Q = 5,000
A) Q = 34 Carpets
B) Q = 0
2) $100Q
$150Q - $5,000 = $100Q
$50Q = $5,000
Q = 100
9-Sep
46) 150,000 : 50,000
p.94 CM =(3*$6) + (1*$12) = $30 3:01
Breakeven point $1,200,000 / $30= 40000= 160,000
120,000
40,000
rev - vc - fc = 0 (OI)
[$20 (3Q) + $50Q] - [$14(3Q) - $18Q] - 1,200,000 = 0
$30Q = 1,200,000
Q= 40,000
3Q= 120,000

STD R - VC - FC = 0
1,200,000/$6 per unit = 200,000 units

DELUX $30 - $18 = $12 per unit
$1,200,000/$12 per unit = 100,000 units
OI = Revenues - [variable cost] - FC

Praise the Lord for Cost Accounting.

In other news, the president is brainwashing the youth of our nation.
"(CNSNews.com) – Prior to his nationally broadcast speech to students on Tuesday, President Barack Obama made a pitch for health care reform in a discussion with 40 freshmen at Wakefield High School in Arlington, Va.

The president traveled to Wakefield High to give a speech on education reform. The speech was posted in advance on the White House Web site to quell fears that the president intended to plug his political agenda to impressionable minds."
http://cnsnews.com/news/article/53712

LOLZ. I don't care that the speech was posted prior. These kids don't pay frikin taxes.

And finally, I saw (500) Days of Summer with Marie, Maddi, and DoJo and it was awesome. Everyone should see it. It's probably the most creative movie in a long, long time. Thank you Marc Webb... not that I really know who that is except from this movie.

Runnin Wild

2009-09-08T10:29:00.000-07:00

I heard this Brandon Heath song for the first time today. It reminded me of the romance of this life. We live for more than a bunch of mundane coincidences.

She wasn't looking for an answer to an ordinary prayer
She just liked to be around him
She liked knowing he was there
She saw something no one else could see
Way beyond his gentle eyes
And it was more than just a moment
When she finally realized

That she can feel his arms around her
Even when he's not around
And it's worth her while
To see him smile
Her heart is running wild for him

He wasn't looking for a reason
A certain time a perfect place
He just liked to be around her
And he loved the beauty of her face
And he knew something no one else could know about
A mystery that he will never tell
When she whispers softly to him
It's a voice he knows so well

And he can talk to her for hours
And still have so much more to say
And if you asked him now
I bet he'd tell you how
His heart is running wild for her

Now they stand together before the father and the son
Two hearts longing for each other are beating now as one

And you can almost hear the angels
You know their singing from above
About the beauty of a Father's love
His heart is running wild for them
All for them

I guess it's really just a love song but for some reason today it really spoke to me. Either life is one short-coming after another or it's a greatly opposed romance. It would appear to me that we're in a story that takes our most brave, whole hearts. Moseying through life is not an option. There's too much at stake. Besides, what's not to love about love and romance? It's probably the truest thing about us. We love to love.

"Many waters cannot quench love;
rivers cannot wash it away."

I guess that's all I have to say.

Balloons full of h2o

2009-08-28T20:03:00.000-07:00

It's the end of my first week of classes and I'm exhausted. It's 11:00pm on friday and all my friends just left to go the the World's Largest Water Balloon Fight.

Pretty sweet, I know. I decided to skip out because I'm super duper tired from our 6:15am xc practice this morning.

Anyhow, I wanted to write something deep to express what's really going on inside but I don't have the energy. Another day.

Such a strange thing college is.

2009-08-26T20:17:00.000-07:00

It's been a while since I've written. Being at school permits me much less time to blog than does the ease of the summer months. Being busy is an unfortunate, unavoidable fact to the life of a lowly college student. But here, tonight, I will write ten not so unfortunate things about college:

10. Dorm life.
9. Cross Country
8. Open Dorm
7. Panera with the girls.
6. Young strapping men.
5. 3-hour long dinners in the caf.
4. Dr. Daniel Strait.
3. Chapel.
2. Beautiful Kentucky.
1. Marie-Claire's laugh.

NOTE** these are not in order of importance.

A Tribute

2009-08-11T10:01:00.000-07:00

to my dear best friend whose birthday is today. Happy 20th Jackie Marie!

I LOVE YOU!!

Coffee

2009-08-09T09:22:00.000-07:00

So this morning I woke up late. 11:00am. I really don't like sleeping in anymore but I needed it. So I got up, made a smoothie, had a lame attempt at a quiet time, made some eggs, and tried not to drink ANY coffee.

COFFEE FAIL.

I'm now sitting in front of my computer screen sipping on a nice warm cup of joe sweetened with some sugar-free vanilla caramel coffee mate and feeling like I just discovered the magnitude of my coffee infatuation. No, that's saying it gently. I'm addicted. SHOOT.

I've come to the truth about myself. I don't just like the taste or the warmth. Coffee is a little god for me that breeds all things comfy and cozy.

When I'm drinking it the world isn't so bad.
Maybe that's too far. The world's still bad. I love my life though, don't get me wrong. All I know is that coffee is satisfying something in me other than a caffeine fix. Caffeine really has zero affect on me anyway. BUT WHAT IS IT?

I love coffee too much for it to be okay. Maybe I need a relationship. Ba. ha.

Jesus, help me.
Refill time.

New Art Stuff

2009-08-06T18:18:00.000-07:00

So My dear Dulce Jackie Marie, these are for you (they wouldn't send via emial). I need a critique. Also, I need more opinions. The room with the airplane is unfinished so if anybody has any suggestions for me that would be great! tell me what you think. Thanks. Oh ps. The little boy's name is Von. That's why it says Von lol durrrr

Disappointment

2009-08-05T07:27:00.000-07:00

I went to the chiropractor today. I've been going for the past two weeks because I have some minor back problems. I think what he's done has really helped so in trusting this doctor I asked him about my knee pain. Even though I already went to a sports doctor who was, as it seems now, really unhelpful. So, point of the story is that my chiropractor did some pushing and pulling on my legs and has informed me that I have some grinding going on in my knee caps. An ailment which I am, as he said, way too young for. So the good news is he can do some work on it. The bad news is it doesn't really matter because I will only be able to run for 5-10 more years. Is it odd that my first thought was "how am I going to lose baby weight when I'm 32 and fat as a house?" Anyhow, I know you can sympathize with this Kate. And looking at your situation I'm thankful that I can even run at all. But it's disappointing nonetheless.

What a reminder that I truly am NOT invincible.

Mural Fest

2009-07-20T18:37:00.000-07:00

People have been asking about my painting this summer so here's some pics

The Way I Spent Last Night

2009-07-18T08:41:00.000-07:00

A friend called me yesterday evening. She was trying to hold it together but when I asked her how she was she immediately burst into tears and said "oh I've been better." This friend of mine isn't one of my college friends, nor is she someone who I ever thought I'd be consoling. She's almost middle age and I do a ton of babysitting for her. When I asked her what was up I could barely understand her words through her tears. She asked if I would go for a run with her and seeing how much pain she was in I didn't hesitate to say yes.

So we went. And went. And went. For 7 miles we went. And I listened. And as I did so this 39 year old friend of mine spilled her guts. I literally know every financial burden of her life over the past 16 years. And none of the strife that she was explaining to me was directly her fault. All I could think was what a horrible prison she's in. If only she knew the real Jesus. He could surly heal this situation. This rift in her marriage. This thorn in her flesh.

I feel sad for this woman. Sad not only because the whole situation just sucks and she's been hurt, but sad because in order to fix it she has to take control, she has to put her defenses up, she has to consent to not trust her husband completely. Well, I suppose we as humans never really trust anyone completely but there will be an inability rely on him in ways that she wants to.

So I am left with this: I am so thankful to be a Christian. Jesus can heal my situations, my realtionships, my heart. And I'm praying that she take her heart to Christ. He's the only one that can truly set us free. Because if we're honest, we're all imprisoned by something.

So after the run we went to dinner and a movie. It ended up being pretty fun. But I didn't get home until 2:30am and now I'm FRIGGING tired. It was definitely worth it though.

Sparkle much?

2009-07-16T13:00:00.000-07:00

So today I have an 8 hour shift at the gown shop. Less than two hours left and I'm totally bored. The most beautiful little pageant girl just came in and purchased two gowns. It's always so bizarre when these pageant people come in because most of the time they select the most glitzie, hideously adorned gowns that apparently the judges love and I have to pretend look amazing. First one sold:

Polka dot disaster.

Second one sold: [I actually really like this one]

So okay, they're not ugly all the time. They're just usually so dang sparkily. I'm not sure if the point of the pageants is to be the prettiest, most talented, or sparkliest. See figure 3:

I can't tell, is it liquid?

Click on my ads

2009-07-16T08:11:00.000-07:00

Por favor. Click on them.

Laughing Man

2009-07-13T17:14:00.000-07:00

That's the Joe Purdy song that I'm listening to right now on Pandora. The reason that I titled this post that is because I don't know what to call it. That being because this is a two-parter. First part addressing my banner issues and second part addressing my dismay at having visted Miss Marie-Clair's blog everyday for the last month or so and seeing no new blogs. Annoyed. Yes Marie, I'm annoyed. I would like some good reading material out of you and your just not up to par. Did camp really take it out of you that much? Any how, I'll get back to that...

My Banner. I'm fickle. I really liked the one Kate made for me; the first one. But I got bored of it. I can't look at the same thing that much. So then I changed it to that gay like tie-die designey thing that was crap. So I quickly got bored of that. But now, I believe I have found something that contributes greatly to my inner peace about my blog. It's fun and it's cutesie but it's not too bright. It's me. Plus I got a lot of much needed experience on my wannabe photo shop program called Corel Paint Shop Pro Photo X2... why such a long name I must inquire?

So, Marie-Claire. What in the heck. I need a good word from you. A good, funny, charming blog. If I could I would mail you some inspiration. Also, I just talked to James and he said your brother's wedding has come and gone... perhaps a nice blog could come of it? Oh and I want to see pictures. So, is anyone else desiring some Marie blogging?

That's all. 1 month until back to school. Yes!

photobooth fun

2009-07-13T08:56:00.000-07:00

It's raining outside so me and the kids can't go in the pool. We're bored... here's some photos.

Thank God for little boys. They're awesome.

36 More Minutes

2009-07-12T15:22:00.001-07:00

A measly 36 minutes and my computer will die. I'm in Caribou Coffee because I just had to get out of the house and be alone. I woke up at 12:47 today. I don't like it when I sleep so long. But I absolutely love being alone.

I've been here for almost 3 hours.

I should go home. But why?

I'm listening to this song... check out the vid.

36 More Minutes

2009-07-12T15:14:00.000-07:00

Zumba

2009-06-29T19:11:00.000-07:00

is ridiculous. I tried it for about 30 seconds tonight at the YMCA with my mom, my aunt, and my mom's friends. It's sad when 45-50 year old woman can shake it better than I can. So after the 30 seconds me and my aunt were like "NO WAY" and went running instead.

Taken

2009-06-28T18:48:00.000-07:00

God's justice is something that I have the hardest time understanding. I don't think I'm alone in this confusion for if I were less people would be asking the question, "if God is good then why all the suffering?" I understand that in order for our love for God to be real we must all have a choice. And by allowing that choice we have also allowed evil. But what most confuses me is how God lets, or so it seems from my tiny view, horrific things occur every moment of every day. Where is the justice? I mean, how do we even begin to pray for something so large as human trafficking and abortion? Of course we must pray, but it all too often feels so helpless.

I just watched the movie Taken at Mason and Michelle's house. It was a great movie. The hero in it is probably my new favorite. But if you haven't seen it it's about a man whose daughter gets kidnapped by some Albanians involved in the slave trade. The story is about how this father goes after his daughter and saves her from the sex trade. It's an amazing movie but it got me to thinking about this stuff more and more.

I know God is good. He has proved it to time and again. But why does he move so readily in my life, in minute details and yet allows other women, who are probably much like myself, to be traded as some sort of subhuman tool for pleasure? And what of the men involved? Those who buy and sell. Or the children being bought and sold.

God is the only thing that will liberate us from this darkness.

I know that my being human leads me to these questions about God and his justice. But I also know that what He says is always true. If He says He just then He is. And there is hope in that... hope that my prayers are being answered, hope that restoration can be given, hope for Eden again. I guess the best option is to forget the confusion about God, ask for open eyes, and choose to compare Him to the heroic father in this movie, for that is who I know Him to truly be.

So if you haven't seen Taken, watch it. Besides the fact that it's thought-provoking, it's really entertaining and just all-together awesome.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CvUxdQ4q-Lg

The Theif Comes to Steal

2009-06-27T09:29:00.000-07:00

So I woke up this morning a little pessimistic. I didn't know why I wasn't particularly joyful because I had a great night last night. I ran into Phillip Mullins at a Charlotte Eagles soccer game and just had an overall great time. Today I'm working all day but I wasn't really dreading that. So I didn't know where these bad feelings were coming from. I am often faced with negative emotions when I wake up and when I feel this way in the morning it usually carries on, sometimes for days.

Then I thought about having my quiet time, a time that I usually look so forward to and gain so much from, but was not too keen on the idea. Then I realized that perhaps the negative feelings weren't coming from me at all. So I just, in the moment of my realization, said "I will not agree with these feelings. My day is not going to suck. I do want to be with Jesus." And from that point on everything was good. I had a lovely time with the Lord and work has been so super fun today. It's just like the Enemy to try to steal our Joy.

It's such a relief to be a Christian. To have God's grace offered to you all the time and to be a receiver of his love. There is such victory in Christ.

It's Time I Devoted Some Time

2009-06-26T07:24:00.000-07:00

to this dear blog of mine. Since summer's hit, and boy has it hit, I have found less and less motivation, or maybe I should say inspiration, to blog. Writing is one of those things, that for me, can either be an exciting, energizing activity, or it can totally wipe me out. I know that when I am most inclined to write is when I am most at peace and am settled in who I am and who God is. When I'm frustrated and worried is when writing, or doing anything creative for that matter, feels like driving a knife into my skull.

[a bit extreme i know]

I wish I had more brilliant ideas to share with you all. I'm sitting in the Dress Shop, no calls, no customers. I'm here from 10 to 6 today and these 8 hours seem like an eternity. With all this time on my hands my heart feels free to create. That, however, is frustrating when I have nothing of particular importance to write about.

[there's two dresses here that I love and want to try on. that's not okay while I'm working, right?]

Psh... I'm getting paid just to sit my butt here for 8 hours and write the longest most discombobulated blog ever.

Happy Friday Everybody. I might be back for some more pointless blogging when I'm bored enough.

Michael Jackson

2009-06-25T19:10:00.000-07:00

is dead today. I felt i needed to put it in my blog.

Also, Farrah Fawcett is dead too... which I'm sure you all know.

I'm being way to insensitive about their deaths.

Some lovely photos to commemorate:

a cute, not so satanic looking Michael.

and the lovely Farrah.

Don't read this boys

2009-06-21T09:46:00.000-07:00

unless you want to be totally grossed out.

So I'm dogsitting right now. I've been keeping Mason's mother-in-law's dog since yesterday. It's cool because I get to stay at Mason's new and beautiful home all by myself. I cherish my alone time. But what I do not cherish so much is that this particular French bulldog is in heat. Gross. Me. Out.

I want to take a nap

2009-06-04T09:04:00.000-07:00

but i can't because I'm in the role of Miss Lauren right now and have to play mommy. I love my job but I'm tired. Aren't you supposed to rest up during the summer?

Also, in the past week three different times someone's car broke down (two times it was the same woman) and I had to go bail them out of a given situation. So the third time I prayed for the woman's car to miraculously turn on and it did. Haha... I knew I was being opposed and I knew the enemy was up to something. So I prayed and Jesus came through. How easily I forget that he loves to offer a helping hand whenever we ask so that we might remain in him and rely on him more. He's still teaching me about remaining in him and in his love. I like it.

I didn't think I'd be feeling so nostalgic

2009-05-27T15:21:00.000-07:00

but I've realized that I had a more life changing experience at Mason's wedding than I was expecting. It was a beautiful time. For one thing, the actual wedding was the most gorgeous spectacle I've ever witnessed. The flowers were stunning. The reception was filled with glowing chandeliers, green and white hydrangeas, peonies, roses, and lilies, and my oh so glowing brother. His bride was stunning. I could go on describing the beauty of this wedding but I'll stop.
Then there were the families. The love that was shared between my family and the bride's family was incredible. Usually in-laws don't love each other so much, but it was amazing how everyone got along so well. I stayed with Michelle's (the bride) family and they were awesome. I've never had such gracious hosts. I really miss them. I will forever remember this past week as one of the best in my life. I'm wondering if I'll have as much fun at my own wedding!
I've also never felt so happy for Mason. He was just indescribably happy. When Michelle stepped foot onto the isle I saw his bottom lip start to quiver. It was so cute. Of course I was a wreck... just trying to keep my $70 make-up job in tact. But anyhow, he had one of the prettiest brides ever. And now they're in Hawaii and I'm totally envious ;) It's an amazing thing to see one of your siblings get married. It made me realize how much I love him and how much I want his life to be good. I've never been so blessed as I was last week.

2009-05-15T09:19:00.001-07:00

I'm annoyed. I don't know why. It's annoying that I don't know why I'm annoyed.

I Like Running

2009-05-11T15:27:00.001-07:00

but my knee is messed up so I did a spin class today at the Y. It was goofy.

I have an appointment with an orthopedist tomorrow morning. I hope he fixes me so I can get in shape for XC.

In other news, I'm trying to decide whether or not to wear this dress to Mason's rehearsal dinner. What do you all think?

http://cgi.ebay.com.my/Banana-Republic-Purple-Silk-Holiday-2008-dress-10-NWT_W0QQcmdZViewItemQQitemZ300298910376

On Loving People

2009-05-09T18:37:00.000-07:00

Lately I've come to the realization that God has been putting certain people in my life to minister to and I didn't even know he was doing it. It's a funny thing about walking with Jesus. He marks our steps so that his perfect will is carried out and we don't necessarily know that we're being used at all. At least I haven't. I've been learning since being home the last couple days how Jesus has loved and is loving people through me. I'd say it's a good thing that I didn't know it until now or I may have been hasty to give myself a pat on the back for the "good works" I'm doing. But I must say that it is only God who has arranged for these relationships in my life. And I have benefited greatly from them as well. It has brought me great joy and a deep-rooted passion for people that I may normally despise.
With each step I take I am more and more convinced that He wants nothing more than my heart. He wants my unending devotion to Him and his love. He works everything else out on His own. What freedom I have found in that, knowing that our only responsibility is to bring our hearts to Him. I don't have to strive to be any kind of Christian other than one who loves God with everything. It's difficult to know exactly what that means, but I suppose that's why He gives us the grace of a process.

Home Sweet Home

2009-05-08T11:56:00.000-07:00

The thought that I don't have to go to class for almost 3 months is so regal to me that my brain can't comprehend it. No, it can't accept it. I don't have to study. I don't have any math problems to work out. I don't have to listen to Prof. Walsh talk about debits and credits. Being home is wonderful.

I probably shouldn't publish this.

2009-05-05T15:12:00.000-07:00

I didn't know why I couldn't just be happy. I'd strive to put on joy like an accessory in the morning. It's not that I didn't want to admit that I was hurt. It's that I just didn't want to be hurt. I would say that I thought that just brushing it off would be the answer... but that's just it, I didn't think. All I wanted was just to be okay and not have to deal with what I was really feeling. It's true, I went from being fine to just being mad. I skipped the whole sad part. That's why I just spent the last 30 minutes crying. Being rejected is being denied the most important of human needs, which is love. Now I know more clearly my need for love and Jesus is welcomed to meet it.

Slumber

2009-05-02T12:57:00.000-07:00

I woke up at 2:00pm today. What the heck.

Also, I wore that thing on my face the whole time.

2:06

2009-05-01T22:45:00.000-07:00

So it's super late and I'm super tired but I really just want to blog. God's given me this insatiable desire to create and when it comes on really strong I have to do something creative or I just die a little bit inside. So here is my attempt to be creative at 1:48 am.

There are few things that I enjoy more than a long, good, meaningful conversation. I had one of those tonight. It was great. There is a certain kind of intimacy that is achieved within a friendship when both parties feel understood. That's how I felt tonight: understood, seen even. It is a rare thing that someone sees you for who you are and can truly appreciate it. But when they do it makes life so much more enjoyable and hopeful.

Tonight was not the only night that I've been so blessed with a good conversation. Recently I've been enjoying them a lot. Marie, Holland, Jackie, Anna, Kindra, Erika, DJ, Mason, and lots of others have been so willing to share with me. I love these people and I love the good conversations that they bring to my life. I'm learning so many things through these dialogs. I feel like a lucky girl.

That being said, I must sleep now. Thanks for reading!

2009-04-30T11:07:00.000-07:00

It's the last week of school. I love college and I'm sad it's the summer. I was talking to Marie about this at lunch and we decided that it's definitely healthy to go home and be away from people for a while, but I've really never had a more fulfilling time in my life. College-age people are amazing. For the most part my friends are honest, they love freely, they joke around, they want to be better, and they are still hopeful. It seems the older people get the more they lose their hope. But I love that so many of my friends here are looking for improvement and transformation in their lives. I never want to lose my hope. I know life will be difficult at times but I seriously hope that Jesus reminds me of the dreams, desires, and longings that I have right now. Without desire we welcome depression and all the things that bring us down. I know Jesus to be the ongoing fulfillment of my desires and so I never want to neglect them.
So now I ask myself, what are my desires? I think it a good exercise, so here's a list.
Love
Intimacy
Transformation
Freedom
Life
To get up every morning loving my tasks for that day
To be a good friend
To be beautiful
To offer myself without selfish restraints
To not worry at all about what other people think
To go on an adventure

I guess there's probably more... but who knows. I just hope I stay hopeful.

Now

2009-04-28T18:20:00.000-07:00

Right now I'm typing this blog on holland's iPod touch. We're with a big group. People are funny and weird and awesome and ridiculous. I wish I were more gracious in my mind toward others. I'm in process... It'd be nice if the process weren't so long. I'm done here.

2009-04-27T18:31:00.000-07:00

33 things I like [because I don't want to copy Marie]

pedicures
JMH
family cook-outs
North Carolina
waves in the ocean
funny people
clothes
Books about life
back rubs
high heels
new underwear
The Band of Brothers series
My lab group
Open Dorm
dancing
Moms
Mason
Jeremy
Jai Ho Jai Ho
Guys who dress awesome
Journals
Eye shadow
Milk
Nail polish
Freedom
Music
Driving with the windows down
Kresge Roof
Running
Spanish
Painting
Nice calves
Beards

I needed to procrastinate. Thanks for the idea Marie.

Biology

2009-04-15T08:28:00.000-07:00

I'm in biology class. I've given up. My worst grade is in this class and it's a gen-ed. I wish I cared about biomes.
I just discovered this photo on Corbis, and I feel pretty good about biology now. God help us, this poor child. I want to "scoop him up" [as Kate would say].
One more reminder that I don't have to complain.

Anyhow, class is over. I get to go eat lunch now. Happy Wednesday!

Easter Sunday

2009-04-12T10:11:00.000-07:00

We just got back from church, it's sunny outside, and I'm eating a Russell Stover Coconut Cream Egg. I feel quite picturesque.

No but seriously this is the best candy to ever grace my tongue.

Now I need a drink.

BRB.

Ok I'm back. This Holy Week has been an adventure of emotions, activities, etc. How much more of an adventure must it have been for Christ. The anticipation he lived with truly took the strength of God to push through. He's the bravest of us all and I'm thankful to say that I am a fortunate one who is alive because of His life and resurrection.

So anyhow, I hope everyone's had a marvelous, wonderful, restful, blessed Easter. Christ is Risen!

Let's Friends

2009-04-07T08:30:00.000-07:00

As a response to Marie-Claire's last blog I have been thus inspired to write my own about all our dear friends. A shout-out if you will. Order has no baring on importance. I love them all the same.

Elizabeth: We have lived together for so long. It's been grand and outrageous. Our mid-night rantings, spontaneous dates to the mall, her crap everywhere, the scent of nail polish, and 57. I will miss the pitter patter of her beating heart in the night next year when I'm living alone. I don't need to say anything else. I love Elizabeth Prillaman.

Katelyn: Every time I glance over at her blond locks my heart skips a beat. She's always joyful and kind and she touches like no other. If she wasn't here no one would play with my hair. But what's more she loves her friends and loves Jesus and has a beautiful heart. I love Katelyn Nichols.

Marie-Claire: We hang out all the time. I can talk with her soooooo well. That's inadequate, but we have had the most precious conversations this past year. Life at the 'bury would be seriously lacking if she weren't here because she's such a loyal friend and can handle anything you have to dish out. She likes to pray too, which is cool. She's honest and hilarious and beautiful and I love her.
Dottie: Dorothy Jean, DJ, Deej, Deejeeey, Dot, Dottie. It doesn't matter. I love her because her name is so versatile and so much more because she's awesome. She writes lovely notes to her friends all the time and is probably one of the kindest people ever. She has awesome outbursts of honesty and it's hilarious. She thinks she needs a filter but I disagree. Also, her laugh is precious and she's beautiful. I love Dorothy Jean Ennis.
Taylor: So lovely, so genius, so thought-provoking. She says the most hilarious one-liners and never misses a beat. She's probably the most creative person on our hall. One day she's going to write some incredible stuff and for the first time in my life I will read. She's beautiful and fun and I love Taylor Brantner.Kate: She's a Brannen through and through. I love it. I love that she's so witty and that she loves pink. She wants to run so bad. I want her to run so bad too. I have high hopes that before graduating Asbury we will run together. We have great talks and Kate is always understanding. If you need to cry just go to Kate because she'll tell you that it's okay to cry. She's beautiful and I cherish our friendship. I love Kate Brannen.

Anna: She's in love. It's precious. But more than that she loves everyone. She rarely meets someone that she just doesn't like. She always thinks the best of people and unless someone has totally dissed her she never says anything bad about others. She's encouraging and always is excited to see her friends. We had a sushi date the other night and it was so fun. Anna has great insight and a beautiful heart. Plus her exterior is super pretty too. Ryan would agree. I love Anna Mozley.

Jenelle: She's in Spain right now. She's awesome. She was a pond for Halloween. Seriously, how cool is that? She's so energetic and fun and always wants to do something crazy and spontaneous. She loves her friends and people and we can't wait to have her back next semester. I love Jenelle McClean.

Es Viernes Otra Vez

2009-04-03T11:27:00.000-07:00

Acabo de terminar mis clases para esta semana. Ya me siento libre. Estoy planeando disfrutar este fin de semana por que hay muchas actividades y cosas divertidas que hacer. Bueno, now in ingles.

Today my best friend in the whole mundo sent me a text that said, "Lauren, I am a pooping machine." Surprised and delighted by the hilarity of her text, I began to expound on the topic of bodily functions. That's the kind of relationship we have. It's good. Having friends you can talk about poo with is a good thing. If you don't have one, get one. Your life will be fuller.

However, I am under the impression that nowadays people aren't lacking in friendships that permit them to talk about excrement. That sounds sick. What I mean though, is that the world we live in is in the process of adopting the "anything goes" mentality. Look at art. The definition is so blurred because anything is accepted as art. But that's a large topic. All I'm saying is poop. Just poop. This is getting out of control. I'm done with this blog.

It's Fri

2009-03-27T07:12:00.000-07:00

It's just as I had suspected. Friday is much better. I've found clarity, joy, and a little bit of satisfaction. I have this insatiable desire to write but I'm uncertain where to go with this blog.

I know, why is it that when pain is inflicted the human heart is inspired to create? I have no idea how to answer that question but it is so true for me. I don't know how many times back in high school I spent hours throughout the middle of the night crying over a painting. Sounds so emo, right? Sometimes I would turn off all the lights in my room and paint by the light of one or two candles. Then I'd turn on the light and see what I had created. I suppose it was a healing exercise.

As I creep into adulthood and become hopefully a little less hormonal and emotional, I have found other outlets to express the creativity that is paired with suffering. I suppose this blog has helped me this week. Writing in it, making it look cute, etc. Every time I have a drivenness to create I am more convinced that there is a Creator, an Unmoved Mover, one driving force of all that exists.

Now I'm getting into philosophy. My limited knowledge has led me to the end of this blog.

"Take yourself to a place where your heart is provoked to create."

It's Thurs

2009-03-26T11:53:00.000-07:00

This week has been tough. It's Thursday and I'm so glad that that means tomorrow is Friday. Tuesday I got dumped, yesterday I found out that I didn't get the Ambassador Scholarship, and today, well today's been good. The most frustrating thing about these unfortunate happenings is that they encourage feelings of rejection to run rampant in my mind. Last night I felt like such a loser. But the thing is, when it comes right down to it, the breakup was a good thing and I'm really okay not being an ambassador. It's so easy to take things personally. But really, it's not all about me, and disappointment is a given. So basically I'm left to learn the best maneuvers to cope with it. Sometimes coping mechanisms are chocolate. Sometimes they're friends. Sometimes they're running or being busy. The sad part is, none of those mechanisms work. It's like total insanity trying to comfort myself with anything less than divinity. But I do it nonetheless. And then disillusionment sets in. All of a sudden all I know is that I'm sad but I have no idea, deep down, why I am actually sad. It's like trying to identify a boo boo in the heart that is invisible. So then what I do is... cry probably. Or bash someone else. And really just be an exuberantly uplifting person (noted sarcasm). It sucks. Disappointment sucks. Feeling like a loser sucks. I find comfort in knowing that my life really is good. I have lots of things to be happy about. But it's the Thursday of a really bummer week and mainly what I'm happy about is for it to be Friday. I'd say things are looking up.

I like feet

2009-03-25T18:41:00.001-07:00

Toes are cute and I love pedicures. Is that so wrong?